Jeremy: Pulling a Clarett

I wonder if one day we'll use the name Clarett not as a name, but instead as a verb. Isn't it possible that one day I might say something to Jeffrey like: "I think he's going to pull a Clarett." Pulling a Clarett would be when an athlete shows glimpses of greatness, but the amount of hype surrounding him/her, most it of self-produced, or the fact that the athlete thinks they are above the law or the system, could be too big for said athletes proverbial britches.
Maurice Clarett has managed to make a bed that nobody wants to lie in. Here's a guy who had one good college season and suddenly he believed he was the second coming of Walter Payton. Suddenly he thought he was bigger than the system (he wasn't) and he was going to be the next great pro running back in the NFL (he's not).
But all of the illegal money, all of the under-the-table agreements, all of the high weight weigh-ins, all of the too-slow 40 yard dashes, and all of the doubts that Maurice Clarett seemed to talk his way out of... none of those things matter today because today Maurice Clarett was cut from the Denver Broncos. The team that was willing to take a chance on the guy who nobody else wanted to take a chance on, was today proven that they made a bad choice.
Do you think now people will finally stop judging Clarett on one good college season? Do you think that they will finally see him for who he is: an underachieving waste of talent who has no right to have his name on the back of an NFL jersey because he didn't even have the strait forward decency to appreciate and honor the terrific God-given football talent that he had and just play the game and let the results speak themselves? Or will some other team be dumb enough to give him a chance to screw it up again?

Jeff: Thanks for clearing that up, Sam!

Did you think I was just making wild assumptions about what a terrible trade that was for the Wolves? Of course not! Why, just ask Sam Cassell what he thinks of getting traded to the Clippers! He tells all in an interview with Steve Aschburner of the startrib , and backs up my point on what a terrible trade this was.

"If they think Marko Jaric is a replacement for me, they're out of their minds," Cassell said of the Wolves management. "I'm happy for him. I'm happy he got paid. But that's not an upgrade. As players, we know."

- Right you are, Sammy!

"Minnesota never got out of the first round until I got there," Cassell said. "Then when I got hurt, everybody knew [my value]. I don't take things personally. I know I was accused [of selfishness]. Spree and I came in as 'rebels.' But they had to blame somebody."

- Um, ok hold on a second there, Sammy. I was with you on the whole "I'm worth more than Marko thing", but this? First of all, if Minny's point guards hadn't gotten hurt the previous 2 seasons, they would have gotten out of the first round. And knowing your value when you got hurt? You were healthy most of last year and the team still sucked, and the fact you were whining about a new contract for one decent season before the year even started? Well I think that whining and your on-court performance gave us a pretty good idea of your value. As did the fact McHale couldn't trade you for a pair of sweaty gym sock (Ok, ok, bad example since "trading" "drafting" or "being a GM" isnt really one of McHale's strong points). And as for looking for somebody to blame for last year? They DID blame somebody and it wasn't you or your good buddy Spree- it was Flip Saunders, one of the best coaches in the NBA! Yeah your genius boss McHale decided to throw his supposed best friend under the bus because the alternative, which would have been shipping the real problems, you and Spree, out of town on the first bus, train, or scooter, would have reflected poorly on ol' Kev. Boy hopefully you can redeem yourself with one last comment here, because with talk like that, I'm almost thinking that as bad as that deal was, it's just good to get rid of you.

"I'm going to have a hell of a year," Cassell said. "That's not even my concern. I just wish it was with my main man, Kevin Garnett. We made each other better. He made me an All-Star; I made him an MVP."

Whoa whoa whoa did you just say you MADE KG an MVP? Really? Hmmmm you know on second thought, Sammy, don't let the door hit you on the back of that alien-looking-head of yours on the way to LA.

Jeff: Foreign Relations

If you find yourself sitting at something called a "cafe" sipping tea or coffee with your pinky up, I'm about to offend you. If you smoke 5 packs of unfiltered cigarettes a day, you're headed for a coughing fit of anger any minute. If you enjoy wearing jeans that cut off the circulation at the ankles, t-shirts that are 5 sizes too small, or purposefully buy clothes with a healthy amount of pink in them, well you're not going to be very happy with me either. Generally if you fit this description you're either a) metrosexual or b) European, and really, we're splitting hairs to tell them apart. Although my thoughts for today are meant for the latter group, any man who considers themselves part of the former and gets offended, I have no sympathy for you. Let's be honest: if you take longer to get ready than your spouse/girlfriend, have more than a bar of soap and bottle of shampoo in your shower (a razor and shaving cream are also viable shower products as long as you're only using them on your face), or enjoy any of the other things listed above, well, a little honesty could do you some good. But I digress. After the Wolves' trade of Sam Cassell AND a #1 pick for Euro guard Marko Jaric, I've had enough. I cannot and will not stand for this anymore, and it must be said:

Someone please tell me WHY you would ever draft or trade for a European player in the NBA?!?!? (And yes that includes Tony Parker) WHY?

(Please note that I am not throwing all foreign players into this. South Americans, like Argentenian Manu Ginobili, would be a welcomed edition to any team, and players from the continent of Africa have faired well. I remember Hakeem being pretty good. China? If you think Yao Ming will ever be a true go-to player, well...)

Euros have been coming into the NBA since the early '90's, with players like the late Drazen Petrovic, and the somehow-still-alive-despite-chain-smoking-during-timeouts-Vlade Divac. More and more every year we hear about the Euros and their fundamentals, their ball-movement (insert own joke here) and how they look REALLY good in practice for the Uzbekastan Wednesday night men's league. Well that's all fine and good, but let's look at the contribution of Euro's when it really matters--the NBA Playoffs:

They are as follows...



...hang on...



...wait for it...


...ok so upon further review, Euro's have as much value in the playoffs as a single man at a women's college softball tournament. From Vlade to Peja and even ol' Dirk right on down, Euro's have had little to no impact when it matters most. And this is not just a phenomenon that applies to basketball. This little sport called hockey used to annually host a tournament, or "playoff" if you will, to determine a true champion for their sport. The winning team received the Stanley Cup. The best player in these playoffs received the Conn Smythe award as the most outstanding player. How many non-North Americans have won this award in the roughly 80 years it's been handed out? Two, both Swedes (Pete Forsberg and Nik Lidstrom). And that's it.

(Americans have won it a grand total of once, but I'm letting that go since a Canadian has never won an NBA Finals MVP. But say what you will about him not deserving the regular season MVP-and I would agree- but Steve Nash was all-world against Dallas and San Antonio. And another Canadian, Bill Wennington, made a sizeable contribution to some of those Bulls championship teams. Don't believe me? What would the three-headed-white-center have been without Wennington? And the fact he was the only man wearing the full-grown beard? Well let's just say it's starting to turn into a glass case of emotions here just thinking about it so I'll leave it at that.)

I don't care how good a player is in the regular season, but if he can't step it up and play well in the playoffs then, call me crazy, he's not a guy I want on my team. Or at least not one I'm investing big dollars in, or using a lottery pick or even a 1st round pick on. I've been over this before but give me a good North American player that's proven his talents in college, rather than some Euro who looks good in warmups and has good fundamentals but is lacking, um, well, I believe the Spanish word is cahones. And I have yet to see a Euro really strap on a pair of these in the playoffs.

So I find out Friday night, from none other than the Jer himself, who happened to be live on location from North Dakota, that the Wolves had traded Cassell to the Clips for Marko Jaric. Ok, I'm a little shocked because this means Kevin McHale has entered the digital era and gotten himself a cell phone AND found time to use it in between rounds of golf. Amazing. Then Jer drops the other shoe by mentioning good ol' Kev threw in a 1st round pick... and I think this is the part where I dropped the phone.

Hear me out on this: Sam Cassell is a detriment to the team, and was one of two parts that helped completely sabotage last season (again let me point out that the Wolves fired a top-5 NBA coach instead of getting rid of Sam and Spree &/or the man who brought them there-the Big Ugly Sweater). But he is now entering the final year of his contract, which means he's VERY tradeable. Jamal Mashburn hadn't played in two seasons but was still traded last year, and you can count on one hand the number of minutes Big Dog Robinson (who probably couldn't start for his alma mater Purdue let alone an NBA team right now) played last year and he still got traded. Why? Final year of their contracts. So McHale has a valuable commodity, and he throws it away for a Euro guard (which automatically means he plays no defense whatsoever) who can't make decisions well enough to run the point but doesn't shoot well enough to play 2 guard. Ok so that makes the deal bad enough. BUT TO THROW IN A 1ST ROUND PICK?!?!?!?!?!

I need a moment here....

...ok I'm at least able to type. Look, McHale is now not only the worst GM in the Twin Cities, he's the worst in sports. Period. When Elgin Baylor and the CLippers rips you off, you are officially the worst. And guess what? He's going to be GM until he dies!!!!!! I'm debating whether we should tell him that in professional sports, your team gets a first round pick every year, and there are teams, even right here in your own league, who use them to develop good players and teams! A crazy concept, I know. but then again, considering he's used #1's on Endi Ebi, and this year passed on guys like Danny Granger (2005 NBA rookie of the year), Gerald Green (perenial all-star in 4 years or less), and Hakim Warrick (double-double machine when put beside Garnett), maybe the Wolves are better off without draft picks.

The 6 Wolves fans that are left now officially know what it's like to be the 6 New Orleans Saints fans: in a state of eternal mediocrity with no hope of getting better or worse. But hey, at least McHale signed summer-league wonder Nikolai Tschsightitgjruewhfjdvili!! He scored 25 points in ONE FREAKING GAME THIS SUMMER!!!! His previous 3 actual NBA seasons? Slim and none.

In the end though, no matter how frustrated or upset I get, no matter how many dumb moves McHale makes, it really doesn't matter: he's not going anywhere, and neither are the Wolves.

Jeff: NFC South

4. New Orleans Saints (7-8 wins)
Who says you have to be successful to have job security? You either need a) dirty pictures of your boss (the only explanation for Kevin McHale's apparent lifetime contract with the Minnesota Timberwolves) or b) be average enough for long enough that people just stop caring. The latter would refer to head coach Jim Hasslet and the New Orleans Saints. The team has averaged 8.5 wins the last three seasons, and have won a grand total of ONE playoff game in the team's history (and it didn't come under Hasslet). They've had the same coach, same QB, same running back, same wideout, and the same mediocre defense for the fourth year running, and you know what? Nobody in New Orleans cares. Probably because the team is headed for another season of mediocrity, and there's no reason it's going to change. Welcome to the Aints.

3. Atlanta Falcons (8-9 wins)
Who's more overrated than Mike Vick? Well yeah other than Peyton Manning, I mean? Hey, I'm well aware Mike Vick is the greatest athlete to ever play the position, because I see and hear it on every game broadcast, radio station, website, magazine article or anything else covering the NFL. And yes, he's a lot of fun to watch. But he's NOT a great quarterback. Not yet. And he may never be. But don't worry, we'll continue to hear plenty about him. As for the rest of the team, Vick still has noone reliable to throw to besides TE Alge Crumpler, they don't give TJ Duckett the ball enough (and really why would you want to give it to a 250 pound battering ram 25 times a game instead of the smurf Warrick Dunn?), and the defense will come back to earth a little. Not a bad team at all and they could very well make the playoffs, it's just they're in a really good divison, and well somebody has to finish 3rd.

2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-10 wins)
The Bucs are back, or at least close to it. Losing Sapp and Lynch hurt in the short term but it had to be done, and considering Derrick Brooks' level of play, they obviously made the right choice on which aging defensive superstar to keep. The D doesn't have the big names yet, but still has some very good players. As always, the question in The Bay is on offense. They haven't made a ton of changes from an offense that as struggled the past few seasons- oh except for FINALLY getting a franchise running back. Yes, I think Caddy Williams makes a huge difference. Yes I think he runs for at least 1300 yds and 10+ TD's. Ronnie Brown may have gone a little higher in the draft, but there's a reason Cadillac was the starter at Auburn and he'll prove in with the Bucs. Griese's game management has improved, and the solid-but-not-spectacular receivers will continue to produce. Not the league's most exciting teams but they'll be one of the most improved.

1. Carolina Panthers (10-11 wins)
THey have 17 good running backs, the league's best defensive line-and probably the best overall defense- AND an experienced, effecient quarterback? Yeah it's little wonder this is the chic pick for the NFC this year. The Panth absolutely made the right move by letting all-pro wideout Mushin Muhammed walk to the Bears in free-agency. His blocking will be missed more than his pass catching, as Mushin's on the wrong side of 30, and they have plenty of capable hands waiting to receive the passes he got last year-especially if Steve Smith is all the way back from injury. If 246 pound rookie tailback Eric Shelton isn't starting by midseason, John Fox needs his head examined.

Jer: 3 Guesses Who I'm Talking About

You know, it's just so hard to get a trade deal done in the NBA. I mean, it's just so difficult to get all of the numbers to work and the talents to match up. It's just, it's just that it's not that easy these days and...oh wait, apparently Pat Riley doesn't think it's too difficult. Turns out in the last two years he's made trades that landed his team the most dominant player in the game and a top 20 guy in the league. Hmmmm, must not be too hard huh? Maybe it's just too hard for a guy who sucks in the front office and spends too much time on the practice floor getting buddy buddy with his players. I imagine it would be difficult to make a trade when you are completely inept at doing a job that you are paid millions of dollars to do. And anyway, why does it matter? If you know you can't lose your job, no matter how bad you are at it, why put more time in at the office than the golf course? I think I figured out why we got Dewayne Casey for a coach: because he's the only guy that was left that would play for a man that is completely incompetant when it comes to assembling a team. Draftpicks, free agents... worthless!!!

My work here is done...

Jeremy: Gopher Football is in the air

I know that Jeff has already been jamming it up NFL-style on Midwest Sports Rubes, but can you feel it? Can you really feel it? Can you smell it? Oh, that sweet, sweet smell. Football is in the air. NFL training camps started last week. We are less than a week away from the first preseason NFL game. Just 5 weeks away from NFL week 1. 32 days away from the first NCAA football games. Fantasy football drafts will be kicking off all over the country in a matter of days. I said it last year and I'll say it again... "IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!!"
I'm starting to get out of my summer sports slump and looking forward to the next 10 months of sports packed days and nights.
So... with my sporting senses back in full-swing, it's time to drop my yearly breakdown of the upcoming Gopher football season.
For those of you who care about Gopher football as much as I do (which I realize might only be my uncle and my cousin) this is a very tense time of year. The excitement is undeniable, but the anxiety, the past failures, the feeling in the pit of your stomach just thinking about the Big Ten season collapses... it's an internal tug-of-war that is enough to keep a guy up at night. Add those things to the fact that Glen (Glendolyn) Mason is still the head coach of the team and you can see why I have bags under my eyes and heartburn just at hearing the words Gopher Football.
The Gophers have two things going for them this year. First, a buzzing excitement with a good crop of new young coaches primarily on the defensive side of the ball that look to bring an energy and an attitude that we haven't seen since.... well, we're talkin' defense here, so, at least as long as I can remember.
Attitude, and I mean real attitude, will be a very important cog for our team this year. I'm not talking about the kind of attitude that Mas brings to the media talking about how the team needs to keep it's head up, and relenting about how they got outplayed by a better team today, etc. etc. etc. I'm talking aboug real football attitude. I'm talking about some real piss-and-vinager here. A real "you are not going to get past me, I don't care what name is on your jersey or what mascot is on your sideline, we are the F'ing Gophers... MUNCH, MUNCH BABY!!!" kind of attitude. The kind Mason has been incapable of and hopefully some young fiery coaches can bring it to the team.
The second thing the Gophs have going for them, after yet another season ending collapse (starting again with (funny...) Michigan), is that the expectations for this team are typically low. But outside of losing Barber to the Dallas Cowboys, the Gophs won't be missing much in the way of talent from last year's team. The RB spot should be fine, Cupito's got no place to go but up, the receivers have a year of underachievers behind them, and if the defense can stop even one team, one time, on third and long, we'll all sleep a little easier at night, won't we? The line will again be the anchor of an offense that should primarily feature the running game again, but can also hopefully give Cupito enough confidence and time to throw some of those nice balls we saw that he was capable of early last season.
For two years I've been screaming for more blitzing, more stunting, more... well, more of anything really... on the defensive side of the ball. The passive prevent defense that the Gophers have run for so long does not fly in the Big Ten. Our lack of aggression on the defensive line is the prime suspect in why we have been so vulnerable on 3rd and long the past few years. Teams know exactly what we are going to do on every defensive series, they know exactly where we are weak, and they know right where to hit us. They see us send three down linemen on a 3rd and long time after time and as we are all in the stands moaning and screaming for a blitz, their eyes light up with excitement. I don't mind giving up a third and long every now and then, but if it's going to happen, let's go down swingin'. Is that too much to ask?
In any case, we lose Reid (DE) and Sims (LB) on defense. Two important pieces, but their absences should be more than made up for by Shevlin, Sherels (both LB's) and Lipka (DE).
Having said that... the Gophers also have one major thing against them: the soft Big Ten schedule that they had the luxury of playing the last two years is now long gone. Purdue and Ohio State are both back, replacing the spots that Illinois and Northwestern held the past couple of seasons. Not a favorable trade-off.
My beloved Gophs finished 7-5 last year (3-0 non-conference, 3-5 Big Ten). For a team with very high expectations, a team that Mason called his most talented as a coach, this was a very underachieving number.
The critics are again saying this is Mason's most talented bunch, but the new schedule looms as a huge obstacle. I want to believe all of the hype, but we've been let down so many times, and (I know this statement won't surprise you) I just do not trust this teams chances as long as Mason is steering the ship.
If they don't go undefeated through the non-conference schedule I might give up early, but (gulp!) that shouldn't be an issue. 5-3 through the Big Ten schedule is about what we should be allowed to expect from this team. We should expect (yes, I said EXPECT) to beat Purdue, Wisconsin and Michigan State at home, and Indiana and Penn State on the road, but again, the Mason factor scares me considerably. 4-4 is a more reasonable expectation, and 3-5 is probably even more realistic, with the swing games being Purdue and Wisconsin at home.
So, against my better judgment, and against everything the past years have taught me, I'm going to predict a 7-4 season (Purdue is a W, but Wisconsin will be a downer). This should put them at about 5th or 6th in the Big Ten (big GULP!). But that should be enough to get Mason another token bowl appearance for beating that magical 6-win mark. It will again, however, be a low-tier game, giving him yet another opportunity to remind us all that the important thing is that the kids get to practice for another month and play on a national (albeit small) stage. Nice going Mas! Not only are you a mediocre (at best) coach, but you are also boring and predictable.
No, the Gophers will not smell the roses this year, continuing the longest Rose Bowl draught in the Big Ten.
Will this finally be the year that proves Glen Mason does not belong at the helm of a major college football program? Is Joel Maturi the only one who doesn't see this? Can Bryan Cupito maintain the promise that he showed in glimpses last season? Will we show enough promise as a team this year to give Maroney a reason to stay through his Senior season? Will we ever beat Michigan again?
So many questions... so few answers, so much speculation.
IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME.... OF THE YEEEEAAAAARRRRR!!!

Jeremy: Cheesecurd Unattended

If you decide to go to a ball game with Jeff, or really any other public event where food might be available for that matter, it is important that you do not leave him unattended. This is especially important if there is food around. Particularly if you paid for the food and Jeff didn't.

Jeff: NFC West

There needs to be a rule that when a division's this bad, they do not deserve a playoff team. Or at the very least don't give them home-field advantage in the first round. Like last year, somebody has to win the West (which means try and get to .500), and therefore somebody has to go the playoffs and get creamed by a much better team. Wouldn't you know it two teams from this division (Seattle and St Louis) met in the first round, prolonging the trouncing by one round (Atlanta destroyed the Rams 47-17). All four teams in the South are better this year than anybody out here. Just ugly. I'll try and make this as quick and painless as possible.

4. San Francisco 49ers (2-4 wins)
The good news: the Niners have a great chance of getting the #1 overall pick for the 2006 draft. The bad news: considering how they handled this year's #1 pick, who says they'd do any better with next year's? So new coach Mike Nolan didn't fair well with his first draft, but hey, if they match last year's win total of 4, he should be coach of the year. Or if they could find a way to sim their season like the Madden video game, that'd be even better. The other local football teams, Cal or Stanford, or even high-school powerhouse Matrei Dei, could give them a run.
OFFENSE
The Niners could have Joe Montana in his prime playing QB this year and even he couldn't get much out of this offense because there is NO ONE to throw to. That's why taking Utah QB Alex Smith #1 instead of Michigan WR Braylon Edwards blows my mind. All Edwards did was dominate against the biggest and best schools in the country and be named the top receiver. Smith? Um, he looked pretty good against Wyoming. The man hasn't taken a snap from under center since high school. But hey he scored pretty well on the wonderlic test. Too bad the Niners don't give them to their front-office folks so they could avoid decisions like this. RB Kevin Barlow looked like a future star while sharing carries with medical miracle Garrison Hearst. What does he do with the backfield all to himself last year? Barely average three yards a carry. Roger Craig could come out of retirement and do as well. So San Fran brought in another back who's familiar with the operating table in 3rd round pick Frank Gore (not one not two but THREE knee surgeries!) to push him. The offensive line? They're "offensive" in deed. San Fran could be the first non-CFL team to start punting on 3rd down.
DEFENSE
This is actually a pretty good group, especially if star LB Julian Peterson comes back anywhere near the player he was before that horrific achilies injury last year. DE Andre Carter provides a solid rush on the end, and the secondary is young at the corners but improving, and Tony Parrish is one of the league's best strong safeties. However, the D might as well put bunkbeds and a mess house at midfield because they'll be living on it all year. No matter how good your defense, if their offense keeps putting them back on the field, they're in trouble.

3. Seattle Seahawks (6-8 wins)
Mike Holmgren better have his resume in order. Coming off back-to-back Super Bowl appearances with the Green Bay Packers (if you reside near Wisconsin chances are you know this whether you wanted to or not), coach went to Seattle in '99 with the promise of finally bringing a winner to the Pacific Northwest. Well 6 years and zero playoff victories later, it still hasn't happened. There were few changes from the team that backed into the playoffs at 9-7. For Holmgren to keep his job, he needs to win a playoff game this year. Like I said, he better have his resume up to date.
OFFENSE
Matt Hasselback took a step back last year after looking like he was finally going to be the leader Coach Holmgren told everybody he would be. Of course, not all of that is his fault. With a core of receivers that lead the league in dropped passes, Hasselback's chances of a successful season were about as good as trying to row across a lake with a hole in your boat. The Hawks top two talents, Darryl Jackson and Koren Robinson, both have plenty but are still grasping the whole "receiver" part of wide receiver. So Seattle's trying something new this year: receivers with basically no athletic ability (Joe Jurevicius and Jerome Pathon) but get this- they actually catch the ball when it's thrown to them!! Quite a concept, indeed. Plus they signed a guy named Taco Wallace. Gotta love that. Despite the woes of the aerial attack, the running game remains one of the league's best. Shaun Alexander did the smart thing by getting into camp on time, and will be an unrestricted free agent next year. If you've this sport, or any other, you know guys playing for contracts have huge years. Alexander, one of the league's best backs playing behind one of the league's best lines, will be no different, regardless of whether Hasselback can find somebody who'll actually catch a pass or two.
DEFENSE
Things went downhill when big free agent-signee E Grant Wistrom got hurt. Without his pass rushing threat off the end, teams were much more comfortable going to the air. With Wistrom healthy and the Hawks signing former Titan standout Andre Dyson at corner, things should improve. The linebackers could use help, and the Hawks are hoping that a chance to play with his younger brother Michael (an improving safety), could convince former Baltimore Pro Bowler Peter Boulware to sign for less. Ken Hamlin is developing into one of the better safeties in the NFL.

2. Arizona Cardinals (7-9 wins)
So this is everybody's chic pick to have a breakout season. Two things bother me:
1) it's the Cardinals. Awhile back I wrote about how many other NFL franchises there are that would be worse to cheer for than the Vikings, and I believe Arizona was near the top, or bottom depending on your view, of bad teams. One playoff appearance, that's right ONE, since moving to Phoenix in the '80's. Nothing ever goes right for this franchise. And yes I realize that the Bucs won a Super Bowl and the Red Sox a World Series so anything's possible. Well neither were even close to the level of futility the Cards have maintained. As a matter of fact they're thinking of changing the word futility to just "cards". But hey at least they're consistent.
2) Dennis Green is coaching this team. The same Dennis Green who always prided himself on undefeated preseasons and winning regular seasons in his 10+ years with the Vikings. Oh he was also good at not preparing his teams for minor things like conference championships. But now he's the savior in the Desert and people are using "Denny" and "a good young defense" in the same sentence, which is much like saying "Canadians hate beer and hockey". It's just wrong. So forgive me if I'm not quite ready to gush about the Cardinals playoff chances. Of course he did actually spend a first round pick on a defensive player (this year's defensive rookie of the year, CB Antrell Rolle) which last happened...looks like never. Ok so maybe this is the new Denny-or they're not letting him make all the decisions.
3) oops forgot the 3rd thing--everybody likes them, which can be the kiss of death.
OFFENSE
Sure Denny doesn't worry much about his defense, but he always seems to make the offense work. Kurt Warner may have enough gas left in the tank to run the offense. Personally, I wouldn't want him bagging my groceries let alone running my offense, but Denny IS the master of making crappy quarterbacks a little less crappy. JJ Arrington should be a very good back behind a very good line. Compact, shifty, with good wheels to the corner means a good shot at offensive rookie of the year. The Cards lack a true deep threat at WR, but have two very talented young receivers in Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald. Like every Denny team, the O-line is good, and moving monster pro-bowler Larry Davis from guard to tackle will only help.
DEFENSE
There's talent and speed here. Can this REALLY be Denny's team? The ends need to step up, and should be helped by all the attention Wendell Bryant and last year's early round steal Darnell Dockett, will bring at d-tackle. The linebackers are all young, athletic and ridiculously fast, and the faster rookies Darryl Blackstock and Lance Mitchell learn, the better the D will be. Rolle will step in immediately as the team's #1 corner, and barring the Cards doing anything stupid (it's the Cards so maybe that should read "until" they do something stupid), will be the team's best corner since Aneas Williams left via free agency a few years back. S Bob Griffith, one of the few good defensive players Green had in Minnesota, reunites will the Sheriff and will try and mentor talented safety Adrian Wilson. You know, this IS a good young team. Maybe Arizona's futility and Denny's lack of playoff production will cancel each other out?

1. St Louis Rams (7-9 wins)
It sure wasn't pretty, but somehow a team that won 8 games last year, including just 2 on the road, made it to the 2nd round of the playoffs. They beat the Seahawks in Seattle twice in as many weeks; first to clinch a playoff spot, and then theu won the right to get throttled by Atlanta in the playoffs (which they did 47-17). Shades of the teams' Super Bowl caliber high octane offense remain, but a transition year should be in order to keep the team atop the division. BUt when has Mark Martz ever done the right thing? Super Bowl, you say? Remember, that was teary-eyed Dick Vermeil hoisting the Lombardi trophy. And it seems since taking the reigns the year after Martz has been hell-bent on doing things HIS way to escape Vermeil's shadow. Number of Super Bowl's doing things Martz' stubborn ways? Yeah, zero. And the number will be the same after this season. But they'll be in the playoffs again because somebody from this division has to be.
OFFENSE
Yes I'm aware a good offensive line is the key to any good team. But it's the #1 issue for this offense, which has plenty of weapons to choose from, but needs the blocking to make it happen. Hopes of a high octane offense were dashed when RT Kyle Turley was lost for the season. His replacement, most likely rookie 1st rounder Alex Barron, needs to solidify the end and allow QB Mark Bulger the time he needs. Bulger is better than Warner now, but will never reach the MVP-level Kurt attained in their Super Bowl year. If he keeps his interceptions down, and continues getting the ball to Torry Holt and the ageless wonder, Isaac The Bruce, the passing game will be dangerous. Marshall Faulk has been one of the best backs of the last decade, but it's time to step aside and let bruising 2nd year stud Stephen Jackson take the bulk of the carries. Jackson doesn't have the all-around abilities Faulk had in his prime, but then again neither does Marshall now. What Jackson does do is move the chains and punish people between the tackles, and his pass-catching is much improved. Faulk could still be lethal as a change-of-pace. Still, with Martz calling the shots, all of this makes way too much sense to happen.
DEFENSE
Raise your hand if you know the name of last season's leading tackler? Uh huh...uh huh...interesting...yeah, thought so. Even Rams fans probably aren't familiar with the name Pisa Tinoisamoa, let alone how to pronounce it. The 3rd year linebacker from Hawaii was a pleasant suprise, but is really going to have his work cut out for him this year. Aeneas Williams and Tommy Polley are gone, and their replacements are as inconspicuous as Pisa. SS Adam Archuleta needs to be great to help this unit come together. The better the offense, the less pressure, and better these guys will be.

Jeff: NFC Least

4. Washington Redskins (4-7 wins)
This division is a good reminder that no matter how good you are, time always catches up with you. Two coaches, including the Skins' Joe Gibbs, have proven in their return to the division that their greatness has receded along with their hairlines. Granted, this is not anywhere close to the Skins glory years Gibbs once coached. Teams that had talent on both sides of the both. They also had hope. This team has neither.
OFFENSE
OH for the glory days of the Fun Bunch. This group is a fun bunch for opposing defenses to line up against, but that's about where the comparisons end. Gibbs' first QB signing, Mark Brunell, was a disaster. Former first round pick Patrick Ramsey didn't fair any better. This year's #1 pick, Jason Campbell, could be a good player down the road--especially if Washington had half the talent his college team at Auburn had. Of course they don't, so whether it's Campbell or Ramsey gets another shot, neither looks to be very productive. The team needs to play to Clinton Portis' strengths (too bad bragging about himself is his biggest one), and hope he returns to All-Pro form he showed in Denver. Especially considering that David Patten is his #1 receiver. He was great as a role player in New England, but might as well be wearing "disappointment" on the back of his jersey. The team dealt their only productive wideout, Laverneus Coles, to the Jets for the undersized, underproductive and oft-injured Santana Moss. Let's just say it's good not to be a Skins fan.
DEFENSE
Lavar Arrington needs to do 2 things: 1) stay healthy. 2) Finally play up to his ability and become the best defensive player in the league. The team has less talent around him than before, and ned him to step up. If FS Shaun Taylor were half as good on the field as he is at whining about his contract and getting arrested (what a shock he played for the Hurricanes), the still potential All-Pro could make this one of the better defenses. Only time will tell (and from the looks of the Florida courts it could be awhile) whether Taylor plays in DC or the penal league this season. And with all the NFL guys they had in The Longest Yard, wouldn't Taylor have been a natural selection? He could have even used his real inmate number.

3. Dallas Cowboys (6-8 wins)
The Tuna still is a coaching legend, but he seems to be running on fumes. In much better shape than Gibbs (not physically), as this Cowboys team has some talent. But they do have plenty of questions as well. After overachieving in 2003, Parcells' boys played to ability and finished under .500. More of the same is probable this year.
OFFENSE
For the first half of last season the Boys looked insane for passing on Stephen Jackson in the draft. Then Julius Jones, who broke his shoulder in the preseason, got healthy and looked like Emmitt Smith. Now if Dallas could just find the second coming of Aikman and Irvin. Drew Bledsoe is certainly not the longterm answer to replace 97 year old Vinny Testeverde, but the statuesque (both in physique and mobility) former pupil of Parcells could have one last gasp in him. And with these receivers, he'll need it. The line will be solid again, and it boasts one of the league's best tight ends in Jason Witten. If Bledsoe can pass enough to keep all eleven guys from ganging up on Jones, Big D could be back in the playoffs.
DEFENSE
Usually a Parcells staple, the Boys' D slipped last year. They tried to make amends in the draft, taking two guys for the front seven in the top 20, in DE/LB Demarcus Ware and Marcus Spears. 2nd round LB Kevin Burnett could start right away, and teaming with Dat Nguyen, gives Dallas plenty of speed from sideline to sideline. The secondary was a dissapointment, and needs to rebound. Because of it they overpaid for corner Aaron Glenn, but if he can provide leadership and depth and push former #1 Terrance Newman towards his potential, it may just be worth it. Safety Roy Williams is the scariest thing in Texas since the death penalty.

New York Giants (9-10 wins)
This is the one team that could close the gap on the Eagles, who more than lapped the field last season. Coach Tom Coughlin had some revolt last year when he (gasp!) actually asked for effort during training camp. The regular season results were mixed, mostly due to the mixed effort. Coughlin has tried to get more of "his kind of guys" for 2005 (which makes the Plaxico signing a little puzzling being that he's never exactly been an overachiever) and hopes to improve on the team's 6-10 finish.
OFFENSE:
Boy you've really got to feel for Eli Manning, don't you? It's bad enough the guy has had to live under his big brother Peyton's shadow (you know, the one of "best-regular-season-QB-who's-won-jacksquat") but the guy also had to recover from the trauma of almost having to play for San Diego. Luckily, he weasled his way out of playing for a team that won twice as many games as the Giants last year, has the best player in football (Tomlinson), and is located beside the ocean where it's 75 degrees and sunny every day. Yeah I think that's a decison we all would have made. Despite that, his decision-making skills on the field weren't bad for a rookie, and with new wideout Plaxico Burress, along with TE Jeremy Shockey possibly showing up for all 16 games, he should look more comfortable this season. Tiki Barber is the key though. The better he plays, the easier life will be for Manning. Not as easy as it would have been in, oh I don't know, San Diego, but easier none the less.
DEFENSE
Other than DE Michael Strahan, not a lot of big names here. But the D was productive, and the G-Men will look for more of the same this season. DT William Joseph could take major strides in his 3rd season (and being that he's a Hurricane he could also get arrested), and well if you know the names of the Giants starting linebackers, you need to get out a little more. 2nd round pick Corey Webster could start at corner and will definitely provide a spark returning kicks and punts.

1. Philadelphia Eagles (10-12)
So TO's reporting to camp "unhappy" which is not a surprise. God-forbid he play for a contract he willingly signed. But as he showed in San Fran and is already showing now, he will be a distraction and a detriment to the team before the year's over, and that means the Eagles dominance in the NFC will come to an end. If they were in a better divison, I think a collapse could be possible this season. As it is, their only real threat is the Giants, so even though they're going to have a less than stellar season, they'll still win the division. And the fact they're in the NFC means they'll still be a Super Bowl threat.
OFFENSE
The line should continue to protect Donovan "your-chunky-soap-ads-make-root-canals-pleasant" McNabb and open holes for Bryant Westbrook or rookie Ryan Moats to run. The team has slim and none lining up at wideout besides TO, so the pressure's is once again squarely on McNabb for the team to return to the Super Bowl. Will he do it? Well we know he'll have his mom and plenty of that damn soup to help him.
DEFENSE
The spotlight's on McNabb but this is the part of the team that really shines. Credit the Eagles' front office for keeping this group intact, with a nice mix of experience and talent. They can match up with anybody, and considering the struggles the offense could have, they'll need to be better than everybody. When you've got guys like Javon Kearse, Corey Simon, Jermiah Trotter, Brian Dawkins and others, it's not only plausible, it's possible.

Jeff: The NFC Norris

Everybody else is doing their division-by-division NFL preview, so MWSR might as well do one too. We'll start with the NFC, and if I had one word to sum it up it would be "gong show" (ok maybe that's two but still). The first NFL game I really remember watching was the '85 Super Bowl where the Bears beat New England 1,944-0. That was just the beginning of NFC dominance that would last for more than a decade, when Horseface-I MEAN John Elway and the Broncos (thanks mostly to Terrell Davis-who's still not a Hall of Famer but was the key to those teams) put up back-to-back Super Bowls and finally brought some balance back to the league. Now it's completely reversed. The NFC is terrible. If the NFL, like so many wanted to do back in the NFC's heyday, took the top 12 teams regardless of conference, the NFC would get 3, maybe 4 teams and that's it. It's that bad.

NFC NORTH:

4. Green Bay Packers (6-7 wins)
Yeah, that does feel good to type. I can only imagine what it'll feel like if/when this actually happens. Look Pack fans, put down the curds and the Ol' Mil, and listen carefully. This end is near. The days of the '70's and '80's, when most of you wouldn't have gone to Lambeau if the stadium were made of cheese and brats, are coming again soon. All the signs are there. If this team had anybody else but Brett Favre at QB, everybody else would be saying the same thing. Instead, like you, they're clinging to false hope. But hey, at least you've still got the Brewers...um or how about the Bucks? Andrew Bogut doesn't get you fired up? Well hey Bo Ryan and Badgers hoops is right around the corner. Nothing like seeing if either team can score 30... You know what? On second thought, forget I said any of this. The Pack are all you have, so why should I take it away from you? Throw on a cheese head, throw down your pants at the opposing team's bus, and wear that Favre jersey proud. Just keep the suicide hotline number handy.
OFFENSE:
Don't worry about the Javon Walker holdout-and for once I'm not being sarcastic. Cheeseheads' were so excited to get their first bonafide #1 wideout since Sterling Sharpe, that they forgot about the 15 years in between (well except for '96 when apparently something amazing happened. Not that they mention it much-or like every day or with every breath or every polish that they eat). Since Favre has been under center, he's had a different leading receiver almost every season. Is Green BAy better with Walker? Absolutely, but they'll be fine without him too. The real concern is on the offensive line. Favre and the power running game steals all the headlines, but the Pack have had one of the best O-lines in football the last decade. Now they lose 2 Pro-Bowl caliber guards and have little to replace them with. If the new guards can block as well as Favre has thrown interceptions or Ahman Green gets arrested or Najeh poops in ex-girlfriends' closets, well then the offense will be just fine...
DEFENSE
...but it won't matter because the defense is awful. Watching that new Pauly Shore show would probably be less painful. The Pack went with the Chiefs philosophy from the last couple of years: take a terrible defense and change nothing but the co-ordinator. KC had one of the worst D's in football in 2003, and replaced only the co-ordinator for last year. The result? Another horrible year. The Pack actually have done them one better this year by subtracting from their D. Look for more of the same non-results.

3. Chicago Bears (8-9 wins)
It has not been fun for Chicago sports fan these last few years. Since MJ hung 'em up in 98 (assuming you want to remember him going out on top, rather than that whole debacle in DC), things have not gone well in the Windy City. The Bulls have made the playoffs once since beating Utah in the finals, the Cubbies have continued to provide plenty of heartache and heartbreak, the Blackhawks management was locking the team out of contention long before the real lockout happened, and how would you like it if the two college football teams in your state were Illinois and Northwestern? And I dont' buy for a minute that the White Sox winning is doing anything for that town. If you used the WNBA question, and asked the people of Chicago "would you rather find a $5 bill on the street or have the Sox win the World Series?" Hawk Harrelson and that other jackass that does the WGN games with him would be the only people who wouldn't take the $5. Put it this way, the only way the Sox will sell out playoff games is if bitter Cubs fans come down to boo.
OFFENSE:
To say Rex Grossman's health is the key for the Bears is like saying Lake Michigan has a lot of water. When Grossman's season ended against the Vikes last year, so did Chicago's. They went through more quarterbacks last year than Tara Reid (which holiday is better for Tara? Christmas or the ESPY's?). For anybody else, having Jeff George as your starting QB in the year 2005, or really any year, would be a sign that you need some help. So what'd the Bears do to shore up the position this offseason? Nothing. If Grossman goes down, you're looking at Chad Hutchinson or Kyle Orton. Yeah maybe Bears' fans should keep that suicide hotline # handy too. Just in case. IF Rex-in-affex can stay healthy, the O should be in good shape. Mushin Muhammed won't be as good as he was in Carolina, but he's still much better than anybody they had last year. Benson will run until his legs fall off, and with a pretty good line in front of him, all that running could be for positive yards.
DEFENSE:
Brian Urlacher's health is an issue here too, but now that he has some D-tackles to block up the line, he should be back to his Pro Bowl self. DOn't be surprised though if DT Tommie Harris is the best player on the team by the end of the year. Hopefully he'll stay away from the ridiculous RightGuard commercials though-and Paris Hilton. Not quite the MOnsters of the Midway, but this unit will be improved.

2. Detroit Lions (10-11 wins)
You know it's football season when the De-twah Leones are talking about "Restoring the Roar" the annual tradition for Lions fans since 1957 when they really think "this is our year!!!" (Cubs fans call this spring training). For a time I thought I'd be telling my grandkids about "Restoaring the Roar" and how De-twah would be no closer to be good then than they are now (of course all of that would hinge on me finding somebody crazy enough to marry me AND have my kids). But really, this might actually be it, even with Joey Harrington still on the roster (Leones fans, at least this is the last year you'll have to say that). This team will be the San Diego Super Chargers of 2005- and they've already got the powder blues-sorry "honolulu" blue jerseys.
OFFENSE
The Joey Harrington stuff is getting out of hand. Look, Harrington's success or, much more likely, his failure as a QB will not hinder the Lions progress this year. He either has a Drew Brees-esque breakout year (and hell freezes over) or he's terrible and Jeff Garcia steps in and runs the show. Neither of these options probably sound great, but with all the weapons they have they're going to be dangerous (a statement that's usually reserved for De-twah fans instead of the football team) no matter who's under center. Chuck Rogers' paper-mache collerbone is the real key here. He WAS better than both Williams' boys coming out of college, and can still be the best of the three. The chances of him breaking the collarbone again are about as good as Harrington going to the Pro Bowl. Of course they said that about Brees last year...
DEFENSE
Forget Rogers' injuries or Harrington or anything else- Boss Bailey's health is the most important question for the Lions heading into the season. With him he solidifies a pretty good defense. Without him, the Motor City Kitties will be scrambling to put 3 decent linebackers on the field. How they didn't spend their 1st round pick on D is beyond me though, as this unit is pretty good, but could be deeper. Still, if the O can click, the D will stick.

1. Minnesota Vikings (10-12 wins)
That sizzling sound you hear is Mike Tice and Daunte Culpepper feeling a little toasty now that the microscope's focused on them instead of Randy Moss. The team, including those two gents, wanted Randy gone. He was a headcase and a full-scale circus clown, but the man not only took all the pressure and media scrutiny for the team but he handled it and took it in stride--that is, when he felt like running. But with Randy no longer around to just be Randy, ALL the focus is going squarely on Tice, and also to Daunte. The defense is much improved, there's a lot of talent coming back, but now we'll find out if the Vikes' success the past few seasons had more to do with Randy or Daunte.
OFFENSE
I've been defending Daunte since day 1, and considering that Minnesotan's favorite pasttimes are fishing, boating and ripping on Daunte, well I'm getting pretty worn out. This is the year #11 has to prove to me and everybody else that this IS his team and he IS the man and he can lead the Vikes to the Super Bowl. If he can't, he no longer has Randy to blame. I must be one of the few people who aren't worried about the running game. Yes, it'd be nice to see Michael Bennett be the workhorse back, but I have a feeling we'll be seeing some combination of Mewelde Moore, Ciatrick Faison and Moe Williams by the end of the year. And I think it'll work just fine as it has in the past. Matt Birk's health (or complete lack of it) is a much bigger issue for me, as he's the most important guy on the line, and maybe on the offense. Without him, people start playing out of position, and I don't see that working out any better than it did last year. The receivers will continue to catch as long as Daunte has time to throw, but how long will it take for the Purple to regret not taking Mike Williams? I'd say the first pre-season game.
DEFENSE
So apparently, it's possible to hold a team to 3 downs, and then they bring in this "punter" and they give the ball back to you. No really, I think it's called a "3-and-out". Vikings' fans have seen plenty of these with the Purple's offense on the field, but the D? People might actually stay to watch the defense instead of heading to the fridge saying "call me when they're done kicking the extra point". Pat Williams was just as important a signing as Freddy Smoot. The bigger Williams will give other Williams plenty of room to maneuver, as well as the ends, and linebackers and...well you get the idea. And who ever thought the Vikings would have the best corners in football? Dennis Green must be rolling over in his grave-what? He's still alive? Arizona? Whoops, that's awkward.

Jeff: Musings at the All-Star Break

• Yet another solid move from Twins GM Terry Ryan. As I said last week, the only way I would pick up Bret Boone is on the cheap, and that's exactly what he did. Not a bad rental for a couple of months. It's hard for Bret to get his jersey over the big fork sticking out of his back these days, but still, some stability and leadership, as well as a solid glove, should do the Twinkies some good.
• Maybe it's because I was a broadcaster for a very short time, and I had to pay my dues waaaayyyyyyyyyyy out in the Dakotas. So when I see these pretty girls who know nothing about sports getting put on TV as sideline reporters and what not, it makes me a little angry. Hey, the scenery is nice and all, and if all reporting was about was standing there and looking cute, then fine, have all the hot women you want. But the thing is, and apparently the execs are missing this small detail, when you're covering a game on TV YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO TALK. About sports, no less!! And when you know nothing about sports and are just there because you're pretty, well, it annoys the hell out of me. Personally, I think sideline reporters, male or female, are pretty much useless anyways. But if we have to have them, I want useful facts or information about the game or the player or an injury (and just so you don't think I'm sexist, I do think Michelle Tafoya does a fantastic job for ABC). Apparently I'm the only one. While watching the end of the Home Run Derby on ESPN last night, I got to see reporter Sam Ryan (a female with died-blonde hair) lay this one on home run champ Bobby Abreu:

"Bobby, you just hit 41 homeruns. Most guys don't hit 41 homers in a season."

You're right, Sam, most guys don't hit 41 homeruns in a season. As a matter of fact, neither has Bobby. The 41 homeruns he just hit were in a HOME RUN HITTING CONTEST WHERE THE GOAL IS TO HIT AS MANY HOMERUNS AS POSSIBLE!! THIS IS NOT THE REGULAR SEASON! NOBODY COMPARES THIS TO REGULAR SEASON STATS! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT A BASEBALL IS? Maybe it's just me.

• The good ol' US of A seems pretty gung ho about getting this World Baseball tourney together next spring. I assume it's because they want to spread the glory of American baseball to the world, and think they're going to win the whole thing without much trouble. Granted, they'll have a good team, but, um, have they SEEN the Domincan Republic's team? Here were just 4 of the guys at the derby last night who were huddled around the Domincan flag: the best player in baseball (Vlad), best DH (Big Papi), best SS (Tejada), and with Bonds out, the best LF (Manny). Granted their pitching isn't as deep as the USA's, but their hitters are better, and I would almost say MUCH better, than the Red White & Blue's. I know good pitching is supposed to beat good hitting, but when your hitting is THAT good and you have some decent arms of your own, well, the Domincan will be the team to beat, not the USA. Just throwing it out there.

Jeremy: Let's Do The Random

It's been awhile I know, but I promise you, sports has been in the top 7 things on my mind. I've got a lot that's swishing around in my head regarding the sporting world, so here we go.

*My cousin called me tonight. He's in Ann Arbor, Michigan for the summer working on a turtle project. Yep, he's one of those turtle guys. (On a side note, when it comes to my cousin, I'm like a proud older brother. I am so proud of that kid and everything he does. You should all be so lucky to know him like I do.) Anyway, he was at a bar in Ann Arbor today called "The Little Brown Jug." For those who don't understand why this is significant, please leave this site immediately and never return. I suddenly have the Minnesota Fight song in my head, and it, my friends, is a lovely feeling.

*Are you like me? Are you still waiting for the White Sox to come back down to earth so that the fine baseball the Twins have been playing will allow them to catch up? Isn't it sad when your team wins 8 out of 10 games and they are only able to make up a game and a half? The Sox are unconscious right now. They can't keep it up. Can they?

*I've decided that the best word to describe the Timberwolves organization is "dysfunctional." I looked up the true definition of the word: "abnormal or impaired in functioning, especially of a ... social group." Does that not describe the Woofies to a T? A dysfunctional family, for instance, has to have a dysfunctional father. Kevin McHale (or as Jeff calls him, the Big Ugly Sweater) is that dysfunctional father. Maybe schizophrenic is a good word too. I have an idea, let's bring in a draft consultant (Rex Chapman) 24 hours before the draft. What? Really? Am I wrong here? What did I miss?

Jeff:

Just read today that Bret Boone could become a Minnesota Twin soon. As a longtime Mariner fan, just wanted to pass along to you Twins fans that this is NOT the move Terry Ryan needs to be making. I've said here in the past that Ryan is a very underrated GM, and definitely one of the best in baseball. Like everybody, he's made a mistake or two, but the good decisions far outweigh the poor ones. What's even more impressive is, thanks to tightwad owner Carl Pohlad, Terry Ryan has had the least amount of room for error of any contending team in baseball. Whereas the Red Sox or Yankees or others can make multiple moves at the trade deadline, the Twins usually can only make one, and it has to involve a cost-effective player. More bang for the buck as they say.

WEll Mr. Boone is now a player getting paid a lot of buck with very little bang. If he's not traded after 10 days (it's beyond me why any team would trade for him when you get him for nothing 10 days later, but this is the braintrust the M's now have, and why they're currently 161/2 games out of first place), Seattle has to pickup the final payments for this season, somewhere in the neighborhood of $4 million dollars. I am assuming, being that he's already getting paid, whoeever signs him can give him the vets minimum. If that's the case, Boone would be an ok pickup. Anything more than that, the Twins shouldn't risk it. He's still a pretty solid defensive secondbasemen, but since baseball has mandated steroid testing, Boone's dropped almost 20 pounds and has little power left in that bat. Of course I would never infer he was a juicer. Never. OK maybe. Hey at least it would give he and Juan Rincon something to talk about.

Jeff:

"He did WHAT?"

It's become a common reaction for Minnesota Timberwolves' fans to seemingly every decision- or indecision- Kevin McHale makes. And his selections with the 14th and 47th picks in last night's 2005 NBA draft were no exception. With (college) seniors Danny Granger and Hakim Warrick, and (high school) senior Gerald Green still on the board, McHale used his first pick on talented and troubled two-guard Rashad McCants from reigning national champs North Carolina. With his 2nd, with ANYBODY else still available, McHale exercised his own little known rule: "with your 2nd round pick, you must take either a euro nobody's heard of, or an underachieving, undersized, and "undertalented" player from the Big 10" (remember Rick Rieckert or Marcus Taylor? I try not to either). This year, 6'1 scoring guard Bracey Wright from Indiana (which is great since the Wolves already have two small shoot first, second, and probably third point guards on the roster). To be honest, the second pick bothers me more than the first. Here's why:

Kevin Garnett will be 30 this season, and it's imperative that Minny keeps him happy-which means getting players that can contribute NOW. Say what you want about KG, but he's not only the face of the franchise--he IS the franchise. He might be the most beloved sports figure in Minnesota history, and he's earned the right to not be part of a rebuilding squad. As shown by a trade of a superstar from another team in this town, or by last summer's deals involving Shaq and Tracy McGrady, you cannot get value for a superstar in a trade, so trying to get back to the conference finals ASAP is your only decision. And that's why passing on Gerald Green makes sense. Yes, he could be the next T-Mac, and we could be sitting here 5 years from now with an aging Garnett and still no titles, and saying "what if"? But Green won't help now, and probably not next year. T-Mac and Kobe both took 3 seasons before they became dominant, and from what little I've seen of Green (ridiculous athlete with no jump shot whatsoever) he could take just as long, if at all.

Hakim Warrick is a long, athletic forward who could have helped KG on the boards, defensively, and in transition. But offensively he's not there yet. Yes, he averaged 21 a game last year at the Cuse, but I'd be surprised if he averages more than 10 as a rookie (he was perfect for New Jersey, who of course passed on him for a swing man-which they already have two of.)

That leaves Granger. At 6'8, with a solid skill set and a workmanlike attitude, this was the guy to take. The Wolves had been saying for weeks that 2 guard was the position of greatest need, and although Granger is not your protoype guard, he would have caused some matchup nightmares along with KG and Wally. And defensively he would have helped immensly. He'll be the best player from this draft next year, three years from now, and possibly beyond. And McHale passed him up.

However, I do like McCants. I don't think the attitude will be a real issue for his first few seasons here. He's going to be motivated by all the talk about, well, his lack of motivation and attitude. He'll be hungry to score and should have plenty of opportunities to do it. And more importantly he has the ABILITY to score. KG has been in the league for 10 years now. He's a perennial all-star and all-defensive guy, and if he retired right now is probably in the Hall of Fame. But he is what he is- an incredibly gifted, unselfish do-everything player who can't and won't take the big shot when it matters. If he could defer to somebody, he would. McCants has the opportunity to be that guy. He's going to get those moments. He could be a big time player. How long he sustains it is up to him.

Actually, the only thing holding him back is not his attitude, it's AVP-- as in "Alien Vs. Predator", or the previously mentioned point guard combo of Sam Cassell and Troy Hudson. Cassell looks like an alien, and Hudson the predator with his dreads, and just like the movie characters, both guys will cause destruction, mayhem and the end of life on the planet just to get their shots. And these are the guys who will be running the team. Thankfully Cassell, at the latest, will only last one more season. Hudson will be here long after that. But make no mistake, these two, this AVP combo McHale's created, are the biggest hurdle to McCants having a productive rookie year.

Now you would think that having not one, but two smallish selfish point guards already on your roster would teach you a lesson. You would learn from your mistakes. You would take either the best player available (Ryan Gomes or Lawrence Roberts), or take a project with some, yes I'll say it, UPSIDE (as an aside, did you notice nobody used the word "upside" once last night? Not once!!). Instead, McHale throws the pick away for the umpteenth year in a row. Has McHale had ONE second round pick stick with the team for more than a season? Even one? It's been bad enough the Wolves lost those first round picks, but the fact the Big Ugly Sweater has done NOTHING with the second round picks is just as bad. AND GLEN TAYLOR BROUGHT HIM BACK.

I don't know what revealing, embarrising pictures or information McHale has on Taylor, but it seems like McHale can make as many bad decisions as he wants, and Taylor's not going to do a damn thing about it. So Wolves fans will be stuck with more outbursts and reactions to his moves like the ones they had last night. THe first pick wasn't bad, it just could have been better. The 2nd was worse. BUt I guess it should have been expected.

Jeff: I was Wondering...

...the Spurs have participated in 3 of the ugliest NBA Finals ever: what can be done to make sure it doesn't happen a 4th time? (Certainly David Stern doesn't have the answer)

...is it time for former league Godfather Stern to make HIMSELF an offer he can't refuse? (something along the lines of call fouls consistently, call travelling even once, and keep your players out of prison. Just a thought)

...are Manu Ginobili and Vinny Del Negro long lost brothers?

...is Tim Duncan one of the top 10 players of all time? (I say no, Jer says he's pretty close)

...at NBA pre-draft combines, when are scouts going to start grading these European players on skills they'll use in the playoffs? You know, things like towel waving, awkward high-fives and mumbling something incoherent about how good they were in Kazahkwatitsnamestan? Or if they actually get in a game, things like looking lost, missing shots, playing zero defense, flopping, and mumbling something incoherent about how good they were in Kazahkwatisnamestan?

...come to think of it, if you replace Kazahkwatisnamestan with "Miami of Ohio", wouldn't that last description fit Wally Szczerbiak? Too bad the guy in the big ugly sweater cannot figure this out and trade him.

...how is Kevin McHale going to screw up the draft for the Wolves this year? (hey good thing we brought him back.)

...why didn't the Wolves wait on hiring a coach to see if they could have gotten Nate McMillan or Terry Porter? (Oh McHale, right, sorry I forgot.)

...do you realize that the Wolves fired one of the best coaches in the NBA because Kevin McHale was told if he didn't, that HE'D be fired? (Never forget that last year can be squarely blamed on McHale- and he was brought back)

...who's better at flopping: Manu or any Euro hockey player? And do they teach flopping in other countries? (Probably part of soccer practice, along with prancing, grooming your mullet, slide tackling and rioting.)

...which Packers fans would enjoy kissing Brett Favre more: the men or women? (Whatever the answer, be assured TheDan will write a blog about it)

...is there a bigger sign that the apocalypse is upon us than the fact that Bam Margera, who if you don't know is the world's biggest no-talent-ass-clown, has a hit TV show and is super rich?

...along the same lines, where do these skateboard/motocross/freeloader idiots get all their money? (sorry I was bored the other day and on MTV they had that Cribs show and well these people actually had possessions and cars and houses and it all makes me very nervous)

...who's the worst #2 pick of all time (especially considering who was drafted after him): Darko, Tony Mandarich, Sam Bowie, or Ryan Leaf?

Jeff: The Potential Potential of Having Potential

Well the Spurs are officially up 2-0, and are on their way to a 3rd title in 8 years. Tim Duncan's the best power forward of all-time, Manu Ginobili combines talent, grit, and determination with bad hair and flopping (gee you think he's an import?), and Tony Parker's got a hot girlfriend. Congratulaions San Antonio- I DONT CARE!!! If this series says anything about the NBA, it's that The Don David Stern has lost all his godfather powers. In his prime, like in the Bulls hey-day or even the Lakers last couple of titles, this series would have never happened. In his prime, Stern would have had us watching a Phoenix/Miami finals, and would have made it happen at any cost. Instead we get two teams who are racing to 80 points. Now that's excitement!

So I'm looking ahead to the NBA draft, the last event before the league drops off the face of the earth with another ridiulous lock-out. One of the sticking points in the next collective bargaining agreement is an age limit for the draft. I am very much in favor of a 20-year-old limit. I hate kids coming into the league out of high school and thinks it's ruining the game (along with horrible refereeing, players running the league and too many WNBA commercials), but if I was a high school senior who either a) had a great vertical leap or b) was over 6'9, I'm coming out no matter what. The Sports Guy and others have made this point, but after reading some draftniks previews for both the NFL and now the NBA on draftees, why go to college? Why wouldn't you go overseas and sit on some team's bench and look good in practice? To paraphrase Bill Simmons "if you're tall and have any athletic ability, just change your name to something unpronounceable with a bunch of consonants, and say you're from some far off country and NBA scouts will love you."

It seems a scouts' job isn't to find what you do well, it's to find what you DON'T do. And why bother going to college when your resume in the NCAA doesn't count? The top prospects in this year's draft are Marin Williams, a freshman from North Carolina who didn't even start for the National Champs. He's 6'8 with great all around skills and athleticism. His numbers for his first year? 11.6 pts and 6 rebounds. Ladies and gentlemen, the top pick in the draft! Andrew Bogut, who everybody but Bogut himself thinks is vastly overrated, could also go #1. I'll tell you right now, the only list Bogut will be on top of in the pros next year is "tall white stiff guys most want to dunk on". He makes Vince Carter look tough, isn't great at anything, but is white and tall and oooooh I almost forgot--he can pass from the high post!! Great because that's what I want out of my center. Ok at scoring, gets pushed around under the glass, and can't play much defense, but my can he pass! The third guy is Gerald Green, a lazy high school kid with a crazy vertical leap and he's tall. His resume includes dunking on high school kids, preening after those dunks, and already being very adept at talking about himself in the third person (a necessary skill in today's NBA).

So these are your top 3 picks. Potential, potential, and potential. Guys that have proven nothing, or next to nothing at college or anything even close to it, but will get picked before much more deserving players because they COULD be the next Kobe or KG. And that's really the point here. These guys haven't shown anything: both what they can, and more importantly what they CAN'T do yet. Whereas guys with great work ethic, good skills and a serviceable college resume slide out of the lottery. Sean May, for example, only dominated for a 3 week stretch when it mattered most. Averaged over 20 and 10 in the NCAA tournament, dominating the tourney like nobody since...well...when was the last time anybody carried his team to a title like that? Yes, he's "only" 6'9, yes he's not exactly fleet of foot, and yes he has difficulty jumping over the foul line, let alone from it. Potential? Not much more than he's shown you in 3 years at UNC. He'll only give you a consistent double-double every night in the NBA, work his tail off in practice, and be a good scoring option in the paint. He's NOT going to be the next KG or Amare, but he will be a very good NBA player.

But according to scouts he's a mid-first round pick at best. Fine, take the other guys. I'll go for guys like May, or these:

• Deron Williams, PG, Illinois: One of the 5 best defensive PG's in the league the moment he's drafted and oh by the way has a good jumper and rarely makes a bad decison.
• Danny Granger, F, New Mexico: Like Marvin Williams is 6'8 with great all-around skills--AND proved it playing all 4 years at New Mexico.
• Ike Diogu, PF, Arizona State: Dominated the Pac-10 for 3 years, AVERAGING almost 20 pts and 10 rebounds. Granted, the Pac-10 is not what it used to be, but the kid is 6'9 with a 7'4 wingspan and about 930 low-post moves. And of course he's probably not a lottery pick.

There's more but I think you get the point. Here's 3 kids with good attitudes who have proven what they can do in college. Not a one will probably go down as an all-time NBA great, but they could step in and start in the league now, and be productive players for a decade. And none, besides maybe Williams, are projected any higher than 5th. Billy Beane is overhyped for his "Moneyball" approach in baseball taking college kids with proven track records, but I'd certainly be willing to try that over taking some 18 year old who's looked good in high school allstar games or in the Uzbekastan Wednesday Night Men's League. Granted with the looming work stoppage, we won't get to see any of this come to fruition, but I'm still hoping when draft night rolls around and the Wolves pick, if May or Diogu's on the board, the Big Ugly Sweater will do the smart thing and take one of them. But coming from a guy who hasn't had a decent draft pick since Garnett, I'm not very hopefull. But hey maybe whichever highschool or Euro-league wonder he takes will have as much "potential" as Endi Ibi, Paul Grant, Will Avery or Rick Rickert. Wait, how does McHale still have a job?

Jeremy: Stupid, Rich, Athletes

Tell ya what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you $380,000 a year. To get this money you only have to do a few simple things.
First, you need to play a game that you've been playing since you were a child. Of course, you need to work hard, you need to keep yourself in shape to play the game, and you need, to some degree, to excel at the game. Yes, you need to work hard, but still... you're getting paid to play a game. Here's the great part: if you do well, show some improvement, maintain a hard work attitude and get along with those around you, in a couple of years, I'm going to give you even more money. And I'm not talking about any 4% cost-of-living raise here. I'm talking about multiple millions of dollars.
But there is a catch. Just one catch really. You see, I know you've had some problems in the past. But I don't see those problems. What I see is your potential. So I'm willing to look past the rough spots. But, as I'm sure you understand, I need to protect myself.
Yes, you've had this tiny little problem with marijuana in the past. I know you like to hit the peace pipe a little bit, and I know you've spent some time already on the bench because of it. Listen, I know you kids and your drugs. You just like to unwind, kick back with your boys and relax once in awhile. And that's okay. But listen! I'm going to pay you $380,000 a year to play a game, and I'm going to need you to go ahead and not touch marijuana, okay?
But how about this? How about if we don't just think of it as $380,000 a year to play a game, but we think of it as $380,000 a year to play a game and not touch the geef? How's that sound? You play a game, don't smoke the wackey-tobaccy, and I'll give you $380,000 a year. Just to be fair, I am going to make sure that you are given some drug tests, randomly, ten times throughout the year. But you already know they are coming, so that should be no problem, right?
Did I also mention that your status as a player of this game will get you countless other opportunities and freebies? My goodness, I'm sorry. Didn't I mention that?
Well, you can probably expect to get a free car from someone, just for spending 30 seconds in front of a camera. And when you take that car to the custom wheel shop, you'll most likely get those for free too. When you're done at the wheel shop, head on down to the most expensive steak-house in town. What? Forgot your wallet? Oh, don't worry about that. They'll probably comp your dinner, and most of your friends too.
Again, you are going to get all of this stuff, plus you are going to get to play your favorite game, and I'm going to pay you $380,000 a year to do it. Just don't smoke pot.
Do you think you can do that? Do you think you can not touch drugs? Do you think that $380,000 a year is enough to keep you away from it? Do you?
Or are you too much of an idiot to realize that you've been handed the world on a silver fricking platter because you are good at a game?
Anyways, Onterrio, get back to me and let me know if you think this will work out for you. Because if it won't, I'm sure we can find someone else with less talent, who will never be as good as you, who will never make the kind of money that you have the potential to make, but who can at least keep their nose clean.

Jeff: It's Not Miller Time

Let me just get this out: Reggie Miller is one of the most clutch shooters of all time. One of the best three point shooters ever (I would take only Larry Bird over Reggie if I needed a game-winning 3). Classic Reggie was running through a playoff gauntlet of screens and elbows and forearms, like some kind of Fear Factor event, and burying a 3 from an impossible angle. All of this I admit. But since Reggie hung 'em up Thursday after his Pacers were eliminated by the Pistons I've been hearing some crazy things from some very respectable NBA people. People who (I thought) know infinitely more about basketball than I do. Reggie Miller a Hall-of-Famer? Debatable to me. But not only were these experts saying Reggie was a FIRST BALLOT Hall of Famer, they were suddenly saying he was one of the great players of the last two decades? HUH?

Tell me what I'm missing here. Please. Because, at least to me, here's what Reggie COULD do:

• hit 3's, especially in clutch situations
• flop and draw fouls on his shots that didn't go in
• Bow to the opposing crowd after hitting a big shot
• Infuriate Spike Lee
• give thought-provoking interviews after games

Here's what Reggie COULDN'T do:

• create his own shot
• pass
• rebound
• play any real semblance of defense
• win a championship
  

And this is a 1st ballot hall of famer? Are you sure? I heard nationally renowned writers and experts saying he was right up there with Barkley and Ewing and Clyde Freaking Drexler?!?!? I thought they were kidding, but they were not. The argument was, knowing how their entire careers played out, who would you rather have: and Reggie Miller was getting taken ahead of or right with the Ewings and Clyde Drexlers. Am I the only one who has a problem with this? Reggie was NOT on the original Dream Team, Reggie has NEVER made 1st team all-NBA or even 2nd, and has played in 5 all-star games in 18 years.

Think about that: he's never been considered one of the two best players at his position in any of 18 seasons, and has only been considered one of the 24 best 5 times. I'm not sure Reggie should be getting into the Hall of Fame, let alone on the first ballot. Before my computer crashed and died, I made a chart of the players who I thought compared favorably with Reggie during his prime years- the late '80's-late '90's. I had the following criteria a player had to have in that time frame:

• make at least 3 all-star games
• be named 1st, 2nd, or 3rd team All-NBA at least 3 times
• NOT win a regular season MVP award

I came up with 17 guys along with Reggie who met this criteria, and you know what? I'd take almost all of them over him. When it comes down to it, knowing now what you know about their whole careers, Reggie had a nice run and some longevity to it, as well as some clutch moments. But as clutch as he was, he never won a title, and was never more than a glorified sharpshooter. Oh, and the argument about how many career points Reg scored and all the three's? He played his entire career with a three point line. Jerry West, a guy people commonly mention as a great player Miller has passed on the all-time scoring list. How many more points would West have scored always having the three? Or Pistol Pete Maravich? I'm not saying REggie wasn't good, because he definitely was. But great? At times maybe, but I'd rather have a Joe Dumars or Clyde Drexler anytime.

Jeff: A Commission We Actually Need

I realize this is a sports site, but with the approval of The Jer, I am going to delve into another area of life, one that I have even less expertise and authority to speak on than sports. But it needs to be said, so bear with me. And if anyone's seen TheDan, please let him know there's some love-struck bandit masquerading on his website, posing as TheDan himself. Thank you.

After purchasing the new Dave Matthews Band cd, I have come to two conclusions:
1) Dave is officially off my "Eagerly and Automatically Buy Their New CD" list
2) a new commission or law needs to be made against musicians and the music industry

Now listen when I say this, NOBODY hates all of these frivalous lawsuits and whiny "I HAVE RIGHTS" crap more than me. I'm going to give people something to complain about if I hear one more person whining about how their 19th amendment rights were violated. Shut up. If you have a roof over your head, a decent job and a family you can come home to SHUT UP. There are a lot of people in the world who have it much worse than you, whose needs are being overshadowed or drowned-out by your whining because your kid got cut from their volleyball team or because God-forbid somebody has an "I Love Jesus" bumpersticker that offended you. Trust me when I say I'm the last person that wants to see another commission or more rules or more people telling other people what their rights are or are not. But after listening to Dave's newest cd, and reading band comments (thanks for those Joely) about how "this is our best studio session ever and everybody really gets it" and blahblahblah, something must be done.

Maybe it's my fault for holding DMB to a higher standard. I still consider them the most talented band on the planet, and if you look at any of their EARLY work, regardless of whether you like their music or not, I don't know how anyone could disagree. But this new cd is their worst, and yet they are not the first band, and certainly not the last, that will continue to pump out crap long after they should, and promote it like it's the greatest thing they've ever done. Like athletes, I think 99.9% of bands have a shelf life. Some athletes hang on longer than they should, but generally because your body can't perform in your 40's like it did in your 20's or 30's, sporting careers have a limited time frame. And in some cases, even that's too long. I wish the same were true for musicians. I believe most musicians (I of course don't included boy bands or most of these "Top 40" divas in this because, after all, they're NOT musicians but rather plastic puppets--or as they'd say in Office Space "No Talent A$$ Clowns") start out writing music and creating songs out of passion. Whether it was a life event that changed them or something in them that stirs, they are provoked into expressing it in song. They're doing it because they love it, not because they'll sell a bazillion records and get on MTV and be famous. They have something to say, something that's important to them, and they've found a passionate creative outlet for that. Look at some of the best rock songs of all time, from the '60's to today, and you'll see my point. The vast majority of it was written early in an artists' career, before overwhelming wealth and fame took over.

To me, it's just not possible to find that same creativity and passion when you're cruising in your Bentley with your "bling-bling" and Playboy playmates on your way to one of your 7 mansions in paradise. Good for those who accomplish success and fame and enjoy it to the fullest, but there's no way on earth you can make good music living that lifestyle. You just can't. Look at Lenny Kravitz. He had something to say back in the day, he had some soul and some great songs. Now he's simply making songs that he hopes gets picked up for commercials (Gap) or intros to sporting events on TV. Essentially it's crap, but those who have no taste or are diehard fans hoping for a glimpse of the old days, will keep getting duped into buying his albums. If we had warning labels

"WARNING: THIS ARTIST IS SO FAR OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF MAKING DECENT MUSIC BUT TO MASSAGE THEIR EGOS WE'RE RELEASING THIS ANYWAYS"

Just something to let people know they're mailing it in from their yacht in the Camans. How do we determine when a band has peaked? Why a commission of Jer and myself and our friends of course (we'd include TheDan but he's too busy making out these days). Anyways, we'll give a band one album after their first platinum album, be that 2 or 12 into their career, before their work comes before"The Committee". NOw we're not going to stop people from putting out music, after all, stupid people have rights to buy music too, but we're going to at least warn people if a band has peaked. Now bands that, despite great success, steer clear of the spotlight (Radiohead and Pearl Jam come to mind), we will have no problems allowing them to continue. We also don't want to stand in the way of the next U2, who despite fame and fortune have incredibly turned out good music for 20+ years. But they're the exception. Bands like Creed are the rule. It's the least that we can do to prevent unfortuneate things like heavy sales for Dave's new songs from people that still think the old, talented free-flowing DMB may return someday. Because it's not.

Jeff: Because somebody has to care about the NBA

So I'm board-op'ing a Twins game for the next 3 hours, and Ive been enjoying the NBA playoffs. Since the WOlves are out, I doubt Jer has watched much, and since I have no life, well, it makes sense for me to be the one to keep you abreast of what's going on. (Yes that entire paragraph was set up just so I could use the word "abreast" in a sentence)

• Jeff Van Gundy is crazy, but I love him for standing up to The Don Stern. Sure, JVH will be wearing cement shoes at the bottom of the Hudson when he goes to Stern's office for a"visit" in New York later this month. But he finally said what all of us have thought about the NBA and the refs and conspiracy theories: they exist and we know it. Like so many have pointed out, I would think The Don Stern would want Houston to advance with Yao and T-Mac, but it's nice to see somebody step up and say something. It'll mean losing his job and probably most of his toes after a visit with Stern's "friends" Sonny and Vinny, but hey I think it's defintitely worth it.
• speaking of the Rockets, Yao's window to jump into NBA Superstar status has officially closed. Hey, he's a great passer and a creative offensive player, but I can think of at least 20 guys I'd want taking the final shot instead of Yao. Make that 30...yeah probably 40. And that's not to mention his defense. He's 7'5 TRYING TO TAKE CHARGES!!! Apparently the concept of the blocked shot hasn't made it to China yet. I figured once they got McDonald's they would just figure it out, but I was wrong. Anyway, Yao is a nice player, but he's a good 2nd banana and no better, no matter how much the NBA tries to convince you otherwise.
• Guaranteed contracts are the worst thing to happen to the NBA. Vince "Charmin" Carter and T-Mac are two of many examples. Guys can tank it and loathe and complain and whine and they either get the coach fired or get themselves shipped somewhere else for pennies on the dollar, screwing the team they leave. If this happened in real NBA markets instead of Toronto and Orlando, you'd hear more about it.
• Of course folks in the Raptors front-office will be getting Christmas cards from Heat fans for the foreseable future if Alonzo Mourning helps Miami win a title. Not too bright up there in Toronto for paying him to leave (think about it). Too much Molson, probably.
• Along the same lines, here's a question: why wouldn't you bench somebody like Charmin or Spree or any other player that doesn't want to play hard for you? And I don't mean benching him for just a quarter, or a game. I mean for as long as it takes until he gets the message that he's not getting traded or cut or playing ANYWHERE until his attitude improves. Why is this such a difficult concept to understand? Yeah, you're paying a guy a fortune, but why cave in to his whining and sniveling, especially after seeing what Charmin and T-Mac have done, WHY would you trade these guys for under market value only to watch them flourish somewhere else? A guy has 3 yrs left on his deal and stops playing hard? I tell him he can sit on his can at home or with his posse or wherever he wants for those 3 years. His value on the open market would be so diminished by the time his contract ran out, I doubt you'd see anybody call my bluff. I love the NBA but I hate how the players are basically running the show. It's nuts. Reason #1026 why the NFL is the premiere sport in the world right now.
• Usually I hate watching the "goliaths" of the NBA, aka the teams that will make the NBA the most money, which means they hype them to the moon. But seriously, is there anybody who DOESN'T want to see a Suns/Spurs and Heat/Pistons conference finals? Anyone? Just checking.
• Remember last year when we were comparing Melo and Lebron to each other? Whoopsy daisy!! Melo's looking more Big Dog Robinson than NBA superstar with every game he plays.
• It would be bad enough to live in Cleveland, what with the sewer--I MEAN beautiful lake Erie, a football team with colors that resemble the colors in that lake, and a terrible baseball team. But now Lebron's talking about leaving? The suicide watch in Cleveland will be on red-alert status if that happens. Almost as bad as it will be in Wisconsin when Favre retires.
• The longest we'll see a 2nd round series go is 5 games.

RANDOM NFL NOTES:

• You heard it here first: the Detroit Lions will be the most improved team of 2005.
• Order of finish in the NFC Norris for 2005. 1) Minnesota 2) Detroit 3) Chicago 4) Green Bay (if the town and Lambeau hasn't been burned to the ground before the season's over. I hope Mike SHerman has life insurance on his dog. I'm not sayin I'm just sayin).