Jeff: The Monday Musings of March Madness

Take a DEEP breath everybody. Let that heart rate drop, get the feeling back in your legs, and just breathe. After a wild weekend in the NCAA tournament, one that truly lived up to the name of March Madness, here we sit on the Monday after, the smoke clearing, and surprisingly, things are not as crazy as they first seemed. With higher seeds dropping faster than Lindsay Lohan's cup size, one would expect the surviving 16 teams to have a closer resemblance to the Patriot League tournament or your local Y tourney. But instead, we see some very familiar faces, and that despite the rash of upsets, the Madness wasn't quite as bad as we first thought. Here's where we stand:

- All four #1 seeds survived, and still have a healthy shot at ending up in Indy.
- Yes, only 2 #2 & #3 seeds remain, but overall just 4 of the remaining 16 are seeded 7th or lower.
- ESPN radio host Erik Kuselias said before the tourney that "the first weekend is for the Little Guys. The second weekend if for the Big Guys." Great point, as teams like #14 Northwestern State, #12 Montana, #13 Bradley & #11 George Mason all made headlines with big upset wins. However, expect our two remaining Cinderellas, Mason and Bradley, to turn back into pumpkins and be out of the dance before Saturday.
- Despite being rated the #1 conference in the country, all 6 Big 10 teams are out, meaning the conference was either vastly overrated, or all 6 teams were good but not great.
- You can throw out that whole "pick who's playing well heading into the tournament" strategy for filling out your bracket next year. Big 10 finalists Ohio State and Illinois? Gone. Big 12 champ Kansas? See ya. Big East finalists Syracuse and Pitt? Adios! Pac 10 finalist California? Gonzo. I think next year I'm advancing the four #1 seeds as far as the sweet 16, and then just flipping a coin to determine the winner of the rest of the games.
- Nothing against Winthrop (who should have been ranked higher than a 15), or 7 seed Witchita State, but Tennessee was easily the worst #2 seed in the history of the tourney. If not for a lucky shot by Chris "Don't Call me Kenny" Lofton, the Vols wouldn't have even made it out of the first round, and they were overmatched by the Shockers in the 2nd.

- Although I didn't pick it, let's just say I was not upset to see Iowa get knocked off by Northwestern State. Not upset at all. Elated, actually.

- Quick, name the only state that has more than one school in the Sweet 16 (answer at the end)

- Want to see the biggest boobs in America? Don't bother going to Pam Anderson's website, or flipping through the latest SI swimsuit issue. No, if you want to see America's biggest boobs, simply turn on CBS and watch a college basketball broadcast by Jim Nantz and Billy Packer. My goodness, the egos on these two are so large I'm surprised they fit in the building, let alone on press row next to each other! They've been doing Final Four's for so long, they truly believe that it just wouldn't be the NCAA Tournament if they weren't doing the games, and that you, as a viewer, should be honored to hear them ramble on about some mundane memory from the '77 or '85 or '93 tourney. What's happening in the game you're watching? They'll get around to it when they feel like it, because they're more important than the game. Trust me, if you want to actually enjoy a Nantz/Packer game, mute it, and dial up whichever radio station in your area is covering them. Westwood One has the best play-by-play guys around, and when my favorite color commentator, Bill Rafftery gets bumped up to the radio booth for the Final Four, well it gets even better.

- CBS is also the first network to hire a broadcaster with Torrettes Syndrome- or at least I hope that's their excuse. Color analyst Dan Bonner (who teamed up with one of the best in the business, Kevin Harlan), who most of the time seemed like a pretty knowledgeable basketball guy, would inexplicably blurt out things at the top of his lungs as Harlan was trying to call the game. He was yelling so loud and in such a shriek that you thought his hair was on fire! He did this at least twice in each of the six games he broadcast in the first two rounds, and the best part was, Bonner didn't do it in the final seconds (when everybody goes overboard) on a game-winning shot. No, his outbursts would come with like 12 minutes left in the first half on some meaningless turnover or miss. "HE THREW IT OUT OF BOUNDS!?!?!"
Even if the game wasn't great, I found myself continuing to watch just to see when his next "HE MISSED A SHOT!?!?!" or "OH NO!?!?!" would come. I also thought it'd be great to start throwing out "Bonnerisms" in everyday life. Like today at work, walk into the lunch room, notice the coffee pot's empty and scream like I was being hung by my toenails "WE"RE OUT OF COFFEE!?!?!?" Or next time I'm in line at the bank, walk up to the teller, start making casual conversation and then just blurt out "I NEED A ROLL OF QUARTERS!?!?!?!" then smile calmly and walk away like nothing happened. I think we should all try this. Seriously though, if Harlan didn't suffocate him in his sleep, or alert the authorities from whatever state asylum he escaped from, make sure to tune in for the next installment of "Dan Bonner has tourettes." Only on CBS!!

- Two guys who made themselves a LOT of money over the weekend rocketing up draft boards with their stellar play:
- Marcus Williams, PG, UConn- Forget Rudy Gay or the HuskiesÂ’ big boys in the paint, Williams is the key to another UConn national title. Sure he stole some computers and tried to resell them, something that would have gotten any non-athlete booted from school. But since his return from suspension, Williams has been the team's MVP, and he's showed why in the tourney, running the show, hitting big shots as well as free throws (no small feat in today's game), and stealing passes instead of laptops (you knew I couldn't resist that one). The 6'3 junior is now likely the top point guard in the draft.
- Joakim Noah, C, Florida- A virtual unknown at the start of the year, the 7'0 sophomore has been the Gators best player. His 16 point, 8 board, 7 ast, 5 block stat-filling opening round game cemented his status as the top center in the draft. His encore against Milwaukee yesterday, going for 17, 7, 6, and 4, may have earned him a spot in the top 5.

- I know you want to say that Duke C Shelden Williams should be included as a guy who helped himself in the draft with a big opening weekend, but he's a 6'9 center with no low-post game. I predict a Cherokee Parks-type career, minus the tattoos of course.

- If you reseeded the tourney into one bracket, hereÂ’s how it would look:
1. Duke
2. Connecticut
3. Villanova
4. Texas
5. Memphis
6. Florida
7. Boston College
8. UCLA
9. Gonzaga
10. Washington
11. West Virginia
12. Georgetown
13. LSU
14. Witchita State
15. George Mason
16. Bradley

- If you haven't figured it out already, the only state with more than one team in the Sweet 16 is non other than Washington, with the Zags and U-Dub. How about a little love for the Pacific Northwest?

- Don't forget to check out our NFL mock draft, listed right after this.