The Day the (Polka) Music Died

The world has officially ended in Wisconsin. Judgement Day is upon the fine folks of the cheese state. The collective will to live has been taken from them, as they sing Bye Bye Mr. American Pie: Brett Favre officially announced his retirement today. Governor Jim Doyle has sent everyone home to mourn in their own way (i.e. liquor stores across the state will be sold out any minute now), and flags are flying at half mast. The Man that every Packer man and woman wants and every Wisconsin man and woman wants to be has left them for good, riding off into the sunset on his garden tractor, never to take the hallowed frozen tundra of Lambeau Field again.

This child (assuming life goes on in Wisconsin) will grow up in a Cheesehead world without Favre, without #4, without the guy who just loved playing the game. This lil' tyke will never get to hear announcers on every network fall all over themselves to applaud, praise, and practically make out with Favre every chance they get as they continually call him "Brett" like they're his best friend.

So if you live anywhere near the state of Wisconsin, stay away. Stay FAR away. Anyone daring to enter does so at their own peril, as Scony's statewide will be operating heavy machinery and driving motor vehicles at a time when they should be doing neither. God help you if you live in Wisconsin. Trying to get out of there will be like a scene from Escape from New York.

This man was just trying to escape the reality of Life Without Brett, and really who could blame him? While the last 17 Years of Brett has been bliss for the green and gold, let us not forget in between the glory days of the Packers that ended with a Super Bowl in Vince Lombardi's last game in 1967 and Favre's first in 1992 were dark days, and they are upon Packer fans again.

So just lock up your family, hide in the basement, and secure your rations of Old Mil, brats, and Wisconsin cheese. Everything will be ok...well at least until Packer fans realize that THIS man is your new starting quarterback:

We as Vikings fans say good luck with that.