The Top 5...

...NFL Teams
1. Dallas (3-0)
2. Philadelphia (2-1)
3. New York Giants (3-0)
4. Green Bay Packers (2-1)
5. Um....?

...AFC
1. Pittsburgh (2-1)
2. Denver (3-0)
3. Buffalo (3-0)
4. Tennessee (3-0)
5. Jacksonville/Indy/San Diego (1-2)

...Worst NFL Teams
1. St Louis
2. Kansas City
3. Detroit
4. Oakland
5. Cincinnati/Cleveland (Good times for football in Ohio right now)

...Best College Teams Not Named USC
1. Georgia
2. Oklahoma
3. Mizzuruh
4. Florida
5. LSU
(By the way, I've read 3 different articles this week on what would happen if USC and the winners of the Big 12 AND SEC all run the table. People, it's SEPTEMBER! If we have said scenario in November, THEN we can start talking about that. And for the record, I don't think we'll have an undefeated school in either of those conferences, but thanks for asking)

...Big 10 Teams
1. Ohio State (It's like they lost to Southern Utah, not Southern California. Nobody will beat the Trojans this year. Nobody. And with the Buckeyes getting Beanie Wells back AND figuring out that maybe their offense is better with Pryor at QB, they're still the best team in the Big 10, and Penn State is the only team with a chance to knock them off)
2. Penn State
3. Wisconsin
4. Michigan State (at this rate Javon Ringer will have like 7,458 carries this year, and if he lives through it, the Sparties will be a tough out)
5. Illinois
5a. MINNESOTA!!!!!!!!!! (hey come on it's the last time this year we'll get to talk about them being undefeated. Lets just enjoy it)
(Ok admit it: it's weird to rank the top 5 Big 10 teams and not see Michigan there- and feel like they're not being slighted in the least)

...Conferences after the SEC and Big 12
1. Big 10
2. USC- I mean the Pac 10
3. ACC (only a month until basketball season!)
4. Mountain West
5. Big East (only a month until basketball season!)

...Potential BCS Busters
1. South Florida- wait what? They're in a BCS Conference? Really? THis is awkward.
2. Boise State (a MUCH easier schedule than BYU the rest of the way)
3. BYU
4. Utah
5. TCU

...NFL QB's not Named (Tom) Brady or Peyton (Manning)
1. Drew Brees, Saints
2. Tony Romo, Cowboys
3. Ben Roethlisberger, Steelers
4. Donovan McNabb, Eagles
5. Jay Cutler, Broncos (honestly, how can the Vikings have gone through like 58 different quarterbacks in my lifetime while the Broncos go from Elway to Cutler, and the Pack from Favre to Rodgers? Explain how that's fair!)

...NFL RUNNING BACKS
1. LT, Charge
2. AD, Purple
3. Brian Westbrook (BW?), Iggles
4. Marion Barber III, Cowboys
5. Steven Jackson, Rams

...NFL WIDE RECEIVERS
1. Randy Moss, Pats
2. Terrell Owens, Cowboys
3. Torry Holt, Rams
4. Calvin Johnson, Lions
5. Larry Fitzgerald, Cardinals

...Most Annoying things about the new season of Heroes (possible spoilers)
1. The whole Nikki/Jessica character who is now apparently Tracy? (played by Ali Larter, whose career highlights include the whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues and...yup that's about it. But hey let's feature her more on the show) So we go from a useless character with no powers to a useless character with a new power? Not a good trade off.
2. On the bright side, Tracy is just as annoying and slutty as Nikki/Jessica
3. The annoying Hispanic chick? Still annoying.
4. Saresh turning into a Manwhore.
5. The guy who plays Peter Patrelli is still a horrible actor.