Jeff: Monday Musings

* Thanks to LSU for setting college basketball back about 50 years with that performance against UCLA. And for making me sit through the whole thing.

* 3 Differences between LSU F Glen "Big Baby" Davis and former Michigan wide-body Robert "Tractor" Traylor:
1) Tractor's got a cooler nickname (what would be wrong with Glen "Dumptruck" Davis"? It follows the alliteration rules and everything!)
2) Tractor actually dunks in games.
3) Tractor can say he was an NBA lottery pick.
Not to pick on Davis, but after watching him get blocked repeatedly by some dopey lookin' dude for UCLA, there's just no way he'll make it in the pros. None. Big fella, stay in school, eat at the school cafeteria for free for 2 more years and be a campus hero.
There is one thing Davis has on Tractor Traylor though: he won't get traded straight up for Dirk Nowitzki on draft night. Sorry for reminding the 4 remaining Milwaukee Bucks fans of that one.

* On ESPN.com over the weekend I saw the caption "It doesn't get any better than this" and then went on to talk about the Women's Final Four. Am I cyincal for thinking the caption should have read "It doesn't get any better than this...unless of course men were playing"? Nah.

* Anyone else want to talk about how great George Mason's run was and how it was one of the biggest upsets ever? Anyone? Dookie V? Didn't think so.

* Am I the only one who can't get enough of the new VW "Unpimp Your Ride" commercials with the Nihilist from the Big Lebowski? The only thing that could make them better is after they trash the Bam Margera-wanna be's car and replace it with a VW, the Nihilist should say "I'm a nihilist. We believe in nothing." And then the Bam Margera guy could say "that must be exhausting."

* I noticed some striking similarities between the American League of baseball and the American Football Conference of football for the 2006 season...

They're both so much better than their "National" counterparts (NL & NFC) it's like holding a spelling contest between 2005 Spelling Bee champ Anurag Kashyap (an 8th grader) and Jessica Simpson (whose IQ is probably somewhere around 8).

Way more playoff contenders than playoff spots (NO this doesn't mean we should expand the playoffs!?!? More on this Wednesday):
AL- 8 teams (Angels, Athletics, Blue Jays, Indians, Red Sox, Twins, White Sox, Yankees) for 4 spots
AFC- as many as 11 teams (Bengals, Broncos, Browns, Chargers-although it's a slimt chance without Drew Brees- Chiefs, Colts, Dolphins, Jaguars, Patriots, Steelers, & Texans) for 6 spots. And yes, I really did mean to type the Cleveland Browns and Houston Texans as legitimate playoff contenders for '06. And yes I mean 2006, not 3006. And no I haven't been drinking.

Greatest regular season player of all time:
AL- Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
AFC- Peyton Manning, Colts

Greatest regular season player of all time who will never, ever, ever win a title (because it’s difficult come playoff time to swing a bat or throw a football with both hands wrapped around your neck):
AL- Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
AFC- Peyton Manning, Colts

Team from Massachusetts that were a great story when they won a title, but since have been so overhyped, overrated and played out I would almost cheer for the Yankees or Cowboys if they played them:
AL- Boston Red Sox
AFC- New England Patriots

Next Superstar:
AL- Felix Hernandez, Seattle Mariners
AFC- Reggie Bush, Houston Texans

Best comparison of why Baseball has a long way to go catch the NFL:
AL- Kansas City Royals
AFC- Kansas City Chiefs

Or not…
AL- Oakland A’s
AFC- Oakland Raiders

Surprise Division winner:
AL- Cleveland Indians
AFC- Cleveland Browns (I’m still not kidding. Browns- 2006 AFC North Champs. Deal with it).

Defending champ who won’t make the playoffs:
AL- Chicago White Sox
AFC- Pittsburgh Steelers

Best damn player on the planet:
AL- Vlad Guerrero, Anaheim Angels
AFC- LaDanian Tomlinson, San Diego Super Chargers

City who shouldn’t have a team:
AL- Tampa Bay
AFC- Jacksonville

Talented guy with dreadlocks who's also completely insane:
AL- Manny Ramirez, Red Sox
AFC- Ricky Williams, Dolphins

Team from New York that won’t make the playoffs:
AL- Yankees (suck it Steinbrenner!!)
AFC- Jets

…and Boston
AL- Red Sox (get used to the sound of “Toronto Blue Jays: 2006 AL Champs”. And remember, I hate Toronto)
AFC- Patriots