Jeff: The Monday Musings

* Just so you know, I didn't watch much of anything this weekend, and that was fine with me. I was up north at my buddy Dan's hunting cabin, The Black Spruce, for his bachelor party with 11 other guys, and it was well worth the time and effort. Fun was had, guns were shot, dip was eaten (and if somebody hadn't kept pouring hot sauce into it, even MORE dip certainly would have be eaten), some beer was drank, AND 2 truly epic games of wiffle ball were played. If you haven't played wiffle ball in awhile, and I know I hadn't, well I can't recommend it to highly enough. Oh, one suggestion: purchase 2 bats, and as many of the REAL wiffle balls as possible. Let's just say there was a LOT of tape involved to keep everything together after awhile. So long story short I didn't watch much sports but had a fantastic weekend. I'd tell you more, except that the first rule is "What happens at the Black Spruce STAYS at the Black Spruce".

* There were a few of us at The Black Spruce who were hoping to find a way to catch a score for the Lakers/Suns game Saturday night, thinking we'd be missing a great game 7. Looks like we didn't miss much after all. Phoenix wins 121-90?!!??!? And Kobe took 3 shots the entire 2nd half?!?! Not only will I retire the nickname David "The Don" Stern forever, somebody needs to find out if David Stern is still alive!! And just when I was ready to write a big apology to Phil Jackson for all the comments I've made about him being overrated, his Lakers lose 3 in a row to lose his first ever first round playoff series. I didn't really want to write that apology anyways.

* If you're a fan of Eastern Conference basketball (I don't know why you would be, but just in case) don't be offended that I don't offer many opinions on the playoffs going on over there. I mean, what's the point? Did you SEE the Pistons in game 1 yesterday? Granted, they're not going to shoot over 60% every game, but I'll save you the trouble of watching the Eastern Conference playoffs: the Pistons will beat the Cavs in 5 (there has to be at least one game where the refs won't let the Pistons guard Lebron), and then they'll polish off Miami in 5. To steal a phrase from the Sports Guy, it has to be difficult for Shaq to play with that giant fork sticking out of his back. He just looks done, doesn't he? But hey at least the Heat have cap flexibility to give Dwayne Wade some help now that Shaq isn't Shaq anymore...oh that's right they blew it all on Jason Williams and Antoine Walker. Not that Dwayne should be upset that Pat Riley is ruining his prime years, I'm just saying he should get used to watching lesser players winning Titles.

* On second thought, as long as Isiah Thomas is running the Knicks, the Heat have hope for somebody to take their overpriced underachieveing talent. My excitement fot the NBA offseason isn't to see whether Isiah Thomas trades for more ridiculous, it's HOW MANY trades will he make? I'll put the over/under at a solid 2.5.

* Even though I said I wouldn't, one quick thought on the Wolves: fans of the Target Center 12 better get used to the site of Stephon Marbury. I think he's coming back. And frankly, if the Knicks would take Jaric, Hudson, Blount, and one other bad contract, I'd take my chances. If you're going out, you might as well go out with guns blazing!

* Reason #425 why the NHL has problems: we're heading for an Anaheim/San Jose Western Conference Finals. Nobody in California will care, and the 12 die hard hockey fans in the States and the entire country of Canada will be pissed off and not watch. Well done, NHL. Well done. Way to destroy your core fan base to cater to warm weather cities who have the option of a)enjoying beautiful weather in May and June or b) going into an ice rink to watch a game they know nothing about. Hmmm that's a pretty tough decision...I'm hoping that if Isiah ever does get fired, they'll hire him to run the NHL into the ground so they can start over and do it right by hiring me. My first move? Hostile takeover of the Boston Bruins and Chicago Blackhaws. Two Original Six teams in great hockey towns that have the dumbest owners in the sport. You NEED competitive teams in those markets. Second move? Move the Hurricanes back to Hartford, and the Coyotes back to Winnipeg. And then have a public flogging in the middle of town for the owners who moved the Whalers and Jets in the first place. Third move? Contract the teams in Miami, Tampa, Atlanta, Anaheim, Nashville, and then pick one more from a pool of Columbus, San Jose or Pittsburgh (if they can't get a new rink). Now you have a league of 24 teams, all in strong hockey markets. But of course this makes far too much sense to ever happen.

* I want a new Twins stadium as bad the next person, but here's my one concern: what guarantee do Twins fans have that Ol' Tightwad Carl will actually start spending money on the team once he gets the new ballpark? According to his good buddy Sid Hartman, the Twins MADE $114 million last year. The result? Well you're seeing it on the field. When Carl makes even more money from a new park, I'm not holding my breath that he'll suddenly start spending to get the guys he needs to win. I'm not asking for a Yankees or Red Sox-sized payroll, but I think somewhere around $80 million would be acceptable for the 15th largest market in baseball. Just something to think about.

* Have I mentioned how fun wiffle ball was?