A Super Super Bowl

I have to admit, I'm starting to come around on this whole parity thing. No really, I am. There's not even a snippy, sarcastic barb coming about. I am- well for the Super Bowl anyway. For all the things parity takes away from us, like true greatness, having the regular season actually mean something, and some order to things, it does give us much better Super Bowls than the previous Dyansty Era did. That was the thing I always conveniently forgot to mention as I was whining about 9-7 teams winning horrible divisions and ending up in the Super Bowl- the 49ers/Redskins/Cowboys era in the mid 80's to late 90's gave us some awfully one-sided Super Bowls. But this whole parity-era stuff has been great. Watching the game with the future Mrs. at Le Casa De Jermo with Jermo and Mrs. Jermo, I felt like Maximus had stormed in after the game was over and yelled "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?" and then threw his sword at my head. And I had to admit, I WAS entertained.

In fact, I was so entertained by last night's game, I'm actually blogging about it. I know, the miracle of miracles. Where to even begin with a game like that?

...Well here's one place: Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes owes me, and anyone else who owned him in fantasy football this year, a formal, written, heart-felt apology. Why? Because THAT was the guy I thought I was drafting or keeping for fantasy football. The guy who made all the big, spectacular plays and looked like one of the best receivers in the league last night? Yeah that's the guy I thought I was getting, and I waited...and waited...and waited...and then got knocked out of the playoffs...and THEN in the Super Bowl he steps up. So thanks Santonio. Thanks for nothing. You can send your apology here to the blog or can mail it to me in the form of a Chipotle gift card- or an actual Chipotle burrito. It's the least you can do for losing me a fantasy football title this year when you quite clearly had it in you but decided not to show up when I needed you most.

...I don't know if Kurt Warner is a hall-of-famer or not, but he's been damn good in the Super Bowl. He's played in three Super Bowls, and he has the three highest yardage totals in history. Not too shabby. I can't believe he'd even consider retiring right now. Is he, or is he not, one of the five best QB's in the league right now (Brees, Manning-if you even have to ask which one your punishment is to rewatch each and every one of the Super Bowl commercials again. Honest to god, advertising people of America, how hard is it to entertain us? You know what, this deserves it's own section- Brady, and I suppose you'd have to put Roethlesberger now as the other four)? He most certainly is. The only reason I can think of for retiring is because his wife has gone through an incredible transformation from this to this. Can't say I'd blame him for wanting to spend more time with her.

...Was I the only person watching who didn't know Pittsburgh linebacker David Harrison was the NFL Defensive Player of the Year? Or that I'd really never heard of the guy before that game? I loved when Al Michaels made some mention of how "the nation already knows so much about him." Um, no Al, we don't. Or at least I didn't. His 100 yard interception for a TD was definitely amazing, and the refs absolutely got the call right in saying he made it into the end zone. And as for his unsportsmanlike conduct penalty, where some people were saying he should get kicked out of the game for it- HE GOT HIT IN THE NUTS!!! Seriously, whoever the Cardinals player was got up, and brought his forearm with him right up into Harrison's wedding tackle, his twig and berries, his...well you get the idea. I'd be throwing punches at a guy if he pulled that crap too.

...Cards safety Adrian Wilson running over holder/punter Mitch Berger on the field goal attempt in the first half was the coolest and yet dumbest play of the game. Coolest because who doesn't love to see a punter get roughed up like that? It's fantastic. I think all punters and kickers should have to wear one-bar face masks and the number double zero. Or maybe just regular zero. And for entertainment value they should be fair game on each and every play for the entire play. Roughing the kicker and punter penalities only encourage kickers to act MORE like the soccer players they truly are with all the flopping and acting to draw penalties. If we just made it legal to kick the crap out of them on each and every play, it would make them tougher, and also make me much more excited to see kickers and punters on the field. I'm not sayin' I'm just sayin'.

...Where was I? Oh yeah, well as fun as that play was to watch, that was a bonehead play of Wilson to keep going like that into Berger. You HAVE to know better. If Pittsburgh scores a TD there it's probably ballgame and Wilson wears the Goat Horns. Instead, he and his mates made a YUGE defensive stand to keep it close.

...I was definitely impressed with Arizona's defense last night. The first two Pittsburgh series they were doing their best matador impression as the Steelers marched down the field. But after that, the settled in and looked pretty good. Dockett, Dansby and Wilson were studly, and the Rogers-Cromartie kid made some good plays at corner, although some of them, especially the deep pass he broke up in the end zone, were to save his a** because he got burnt. But still, for a rookie who was basically put on an island with Holmes all night, he did ok.

...Look, as much as I try to act like one, I'm NOT a football genius. A shock to you, I know. So it's probably more complicated than I can understand, but there's two things I didn't understand about the Cardinals offensive gameplan last night: 1)WHY did it take them so damn long to get Larry Fitzgerald the ball, and why didn't they use the no-huddle earlier- like as in the first series of the game? Why? First Fitzgerald. I understand that if the Steelers are working so hard to take him out of the game and it's leaving Boldin and Breaston open, you go to the other two guys. That's fine and good if you're getting big gains from the other players, but the Cards weren't. I do understand Warner's biggest strength is hitting guys in stride so they can catch and run. This is what made his Rams teams so good was his ability to give Holt and Bruce and others the ball in the perfect spot so they could catch and run. But other than the Fitzgerald 64 yard TD (that was his best throw of the night), the short passes were not resulting in YAC. Instead, it looked like he was running the Brad Childress offense, as he didn't throw the ball more than 10 yards in the air for most of the game, and his receivers were getting tackled as soon as they caught it. Boldin averaged 10 yards a catch. Breaston 11.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but Pittsburgh was dropping their safeties 20-25 yards to take away the deep ball, then sending different blitzes while dropping their linebackers 5-10 yards to take away the short stuff. So why the hell then aren't you throwing slants and post routes OVER the linebackers? Shouldn't there have been at least a 10 yard bubble behind them? Fitzgerald and Boldin are both freaking huge, and they excel at catching the ball in traffic, so WHY didn't that ever happen? Instead they seemed content to dink and dunk Chilly-style to guys not named Fitzgerald for far too long.

And secondly then, where was the no-huddle all game? Gee let's see here, you have one of the best- or maybe THE best- passing attack in the NFL, including a quarterback who is really good at running a no-huddle and hurry-up. Everyone in the building knows you can't run (the chances of the Cards taking a RB in the first round of April's draft should be somewhere in the neighborhood of 110% Either Knowshon Moreno or LeSean McCoy), and yet not only do you try to run far too much, but you don't use the no-huddle until you absolutely have to in the fourth quarter? And what happens, you march down the field. Had the Cards done that from the beginning, it could have been a very different outcome.

...Mike Tomlin has to be the coolest coach on the planet. He's also the second former Viking D-coordinator to leave and win a Super Bowl. Here's hoping the third time is NOT a charm, and the Wilfs are smart enough to fire Chilly after next year and promote current D-coordinator to head coach.

...There's probably more I'm forgetting, but let's finish with the Super Bowl commercials. Equal parts not entertaining, and bad. Is this what happens when all three of our big American breweries are owned by international companies? Do the new owners of Budweiser, Miller, and Coors need to be told that the SUper Bowl is kind of a big deal, and that we count on them for our commercial entertainment? Do they not know this in South Africa and Europe and wherever else? Are they spending most of their time on advertising to the Cricket world championships or soccer or rugby? Budweiser at least got the memo to pay for ads, but the quality was wanting. We get it, the Clydsedales and Dalmation are cute and adorable and you're totally and shamelessly playing to all the females watching. The "Drinkability" Bud Light ads are more annoying the the Subway "Five. Five Dollar. Five Dollar Footlooooonnnngs" (I hope you have that song in your head the rest of the day now) and the Geico Cavemen commercials combined. Please stop them. Miller decided all they needed was a one second High Life ad where their guy yells "HIGH LIFE!" While that was funny, and I suppose memorable, it would have been better to have more of those throughout the game or maybe, just maybe, have an entire 30 second commercial. And Coors didn't even bother showing up. But then again, who drinks Coors anyway? Exactly. So they weren't missed at all anyway.

...So that's it for another football season. It's now eight LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGGG months off. That should be enough time for me to get comfortable with the idea of me being comfortable with the idea of parity maybe, kinda, sorta being a good thing. We'll see how long it lasts.