Jeremy: Amarillo Jer...

I'm pretty typical. The typical guy, I would say. I like simple things that guys like. Sports. Beer. Frank Sinatra. Blondes. Brunettes. Redheads. Trucks. Guitar rock. Chicken wings. Dirty jokes. Country music (okay, not all guys). Camaraderie. Explosions. Red meat.
I know what I like, I don't analyze why I like it, and I don't make apologies for it.
There is one thing, however, that I like that I often feel a little bit guilty about. It's one of those guilty pleasures in life that I don't partake of often, that I don't hang my hat on, and that I fantasize about, but would never actually pursue. I am of course, talking about gambling. When it comes to this guilty pleasure I am most definitely my father's son. With a very healthy dose of discretion.
Last weekend I was in the most testosterone filled situation imaginable to man: a bachelor party. This one had more testosterone than most, however. There were 10 guys at a hunting cabin in the woods. We drove through the mud in our trucks to get there. We drank beer. Told dirty jokes. Shot guns at nothing in particular. Played with fire. Wore cowboys hats. Ate greasy food and meat off of the bone. And for the life of me, besides ripping on the bachelor for his soon to be lack of bachelorhood, I do not remember one single solitary discussion about women. IT WAS FANTASTIC!!!
During the course of the testosterone slinging, we did what red-blooded American men do when it's dark, women aren't around and we need something to arouse us. We played poker. I won't go into the details of the game, mostly because I didn't win. But I also didn't lose. In fact, nobody won.
We were playing with match-sticks and empty shotgun shells as currency. No real money involved. Match-sticks worth one. Shotgun shells worth two. Because no real money was involved, of course, people were reckless. The Dan (our host) went "all-in" on about the fourth hand of the game, and busted out. A couple of hands later, Tim did the same. Followed not long after by Grusmama and Luke. Chris, Mark, Collins and myself seemed to be the only guys not betting the farm on mediocre hands.
Now I would never go so far as to say that any of these gents are bad poker players. Dan was the first to go out and I know for a fact that he is, in fact, quite good at poker. I would say that I am a serviceable poker player. I know the ropes, I know what to look for, but I only know how to play the cards in my hand, and I don't know how to play the other players. In the end the guy with the most match-sticks and shotgun shells (Collins) quit because he was bored, so the rest of us bowed out as well. The bottom line? There was no money in this game, so there was no heart in this game, therefore, no real game. If even two dollars per man were involved, a modest amount, the game would have been more balanced, people would have bet more conservatively and it would have been fun. As it was we only stood to lose what we never had in the first place and only stood to win what we never wanted anyway. So why did it matter if it took 5 minutes or 5 hours to lose?
So here's what I learned. I don't like poker. I like gambling.
In a real poker game, if you are like me and you don't know how to read other players "tells," all you can play is your cards and your stack. If your stack isn't worth a hill of beans to you then all you are really playing is your cards. At this point you aren't playing a game against anyone, you are just hoping against the odds that you get the cards you want.
The game is Texas Hold 'Em. Say you have the jack of hearts and the 4 of spades. If it was a real poker game, money involved, you might not even be in the hand because you know that the odds are not in your favor. But since it's match-sticks and shotgun shells, you stay in the hand, because there is a very unrealistic chance that two more jacks could fall, or two more fours, etc. Again, an unrealistic chance, but a chance nonetheless. The cards fall, they don't help you, but the guy next to you bets. At this point you don't really have a chance, but you now change your strategy on this hand from a shot in the dark (which was a bad strategy in the first place) to a bluff (which at this point is an even worse strategy). But again, it's not dollars, quarters or even pennies. It's match-sticks.
You see where I'm going with this. If everyone agreed to play the game strait up, with limits, as if they had real money, this kind of game of poker might have a chance of being entertaining. But because it's not money, even if people agree, they can't stick to it. And even if they can stick to it, IT'S STILL NOT REAL MONEY. Money is what makes the game exciting and interesting. No matter how small the amount of money is. Money is the thing that makes your heart beat faster when the flop falls and you've suddenly got three-of-a-kind. During our match-stick game I had a full-house fall to me on the flop and instead of my heart jumping up to my throat my first thought was "oh, crap, who is going to be the first to make a stupid bet so that I have to make what looks like a stupid bet to stay in this hand?" Do you know what the odds are of getting a full house on the flop in Hold 'Em? I don't either, but it's not high. And I wasn't even excited!!!
So it appears that I don't have a gambling problem, I have an excitement problem. I need excitement. And the thing that excites me about poker and blackjack isn't the games, it's the miniscule amounts of money that I put on the line in order to play them. And therein lies the rub.